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I've noticed one thing you've done on a few of your loglines is mentioning the era and location. In both cases, I think you could do without them (the other is the bank robbery in the Dust Bowl). Hope that helps somewhat.
For the most part, the loglines as they appear in the Black List are NOT written by the screenwriters themselves. From what I've heard, they are compiled from the descriptions provided by the voting members when they nominate the script. They are not the loglines constructed by the writer his/herself for the purpose of getting read.
Why is this logline --and the one for "Hibernation" -- posted here?
These are stories credited to different writers that are being flacked and flogged as being in various stages of "development".
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