Two jaded mercenaries journey to a deadly planet to retrieve a priceless mineral only to learn a massive electromagnetic pulse will soon disable their only means of escape.

Underwood:

True, you can't understand the entire story from a logline, but a reader should be able to understand the trajectory of the story, who the main character is and where the story is going (but not where it arrives).

So in terms of that criterion your logline is okay .? Although it lacks an explicit inciting incident.? So I'm assuming it's implicit; they're greedy guys who've found a source of a priceless metal and? hope to cash in.

But? in this iteration, that doesn't concern me so much.? What concerns me is that I don't see in the logline? an emotional hook,? a good reason why an audience would be curious about the outcome and why they would care about the outcome.?

Why should an audience care about two jaded and greedy guys who seem to be pursuing a McGuffin? for a purely selfish reason?? ?I mean, is that all that matters to them, getting rich off the mineral?? ?Is there a greater good , a higher motivation to their struggle?

Underwood:

True, you can't understand the entire story from a logline, but a reader should be able to understand the trajectory of the story, who the main character is and where the story is going (but not where it arrives).

So in terms of that criterion your logline is okay .? Although it lacks an explicit inciting incident.? So I'm assuming it's implicit; they're greedy guys who've found a source of a priceless metal and? hope to cash in.

But? in this iteration, that doesn't concern me so much.? What concerns me is that I don't see in the logline? an emotional hook,? a good reason why an audience would be curious about the outcome and why they would care about the outcome.?

Why should an audience care about two jaded and greedy guys who seem to be pursuing a McGuffin? for a purely selfish reason?? ?I mean, is that all that matters to them, getting rich off the mineral?? ?Is there a greater good , a higher motivation to their struggle?

you can't understand the entire movie from a logline.? I've redone the logline and posted it.? But questions are good.