Categories: Fantasy
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I think it's mostly good, but as she is "passing" the town my question is what it is she has to gain? Is she assigned her first case by the Abbey to prove herself? Is it her hometown? Her native town?
It has elements of The Name of The? Rose and Outbreak, but with a twist of magic - me like.
THE_CNI has a point though, perhaps it would be better to make the village her home town. This increases the stakes as her own family will die if she fails.
My try:
After a deadly plague devastates her parents' village, a nun in training must leave the Abby and stop the black magic causing the disease.
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Interesting. I like this.
Why a nun? I'm guessing the affliction has some religious overtones... maybe change "deadly" to "biblical" just to hammer it home.
I agree with The_CNI. I wonder whether, in this fantasy world, sisters of this particular Abbey are sent out to investigate stuff like this. Gives her a reason, and could also set up an interesting back story. No idea if this is remotely the story you want to tell though.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
