.

Think of the inciting incident as the cause for her goal.

If she discovers she can alter reality how does this cause her to need to rescue her long-lost father? It doesn't.

The inciting incident should shake up the main character's world and force them to take action, so if you want her goal to be to save the father what event could you devise to motivate her to do so?

I agree with the previous comments,

"unravel her own existence" means nothing in a logline. (It could work in a tagline or in a teaser, not in a logline).

Then, be sure that everythink is well linked and logic. Why you say that she need to "save" him? It's not clear what is the danger for him.

Well, how about:

Tortured by??unremitting ?nightmares?of ?a stranger fleeing otherworldly creatures, a young girl?is driven to find?and rescue the stranger.
(21 words)

In this version, the identify of the stranger -- that's he's her father -- would be the Big Reveal.

fwiw