When a former contender turned getaway driver finds love and tries to go legit, an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin who once derailed his boxing career threatens the mother of his unborn child to make him do one last job — one that comes with the ultimate price.

The trouble with the logline attempts you have been posting is that you spend most the logline on back story an not enough word count on what the lead character must do now that he finds himself in this situation.

What's the lead characters plan to get himself out of the situation. It doesn't have to work, it could fail but you should tell us what the lead character must do, not just why the lead is in the situation he is in.

This logline is too long and has too many unnecessary descriptions.

The description "...former contender..." is confusing when read first up - contender to what? The whole boxing back story needs to be cut from the logline as it has no bearing on the plot.

"...Aryan Brotherhood..." can also be dropped - as long as you describe the antagonist as a kingpin the reader gets the necessary information, the particular type of gangster is irrelevant at this stage.

"...mother of his unborn child..." - is a long way of saying 'pregnant girlfriend'.

"...one that comes with the ultimate price..." - is a long way of saying 'life threatening'.

Whatever the job is, that the kingpin wants him to do, needs to be described in the logline. This is his main action which will constitute most of act 2, and needs to be described in more detail.

In essence, the story is about a former boxer who needs to? save his pregnant girlfriend - the stakes are clear and high. Focus on this and this alone in the logline and delegate all back story, bells and whistles included, to the synopsis.

For example:
After a powerful kingpin threatens to kill his pregnant girlfriend a former boxer must risk his life running drugs across the border for the mob to save her life.

However, I believe that DPG made a strong argument when saying he is passive. Best if you give the MC a better course of action than following through on the kingpins demands.

In all the versions of the story, the main character comes off as a victim of circumstances and the hapless pawn of ?the kingpin. I would not characterize him as a protagonist because a protagonist is proactive -- not reactive, not passive, ?not the victim, never the victor.

Will main character ever man up, stop being a loser, a pawn, defy the kingpin and become the master of his own fate?

If that is what this story is supposed to be about, then that is how the logline needs to be framed. ? It needs to be framed in terms of how he intends to defy and and take down the kingpin, become master of his own fate. How his character arcs from being a victim to a victor.

fwiw