When a passive psychiatrist’s patient discovers his secret ability to sense and absorb people’s mental distress, she pressures him to challenge his exploitative boss in order to pursue his dream of starting a nonprofit practice.

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UNTITLED SHORT

12 reviews

CraigDGriffiths · Overlord · 12,600 pts

The movie is about the person doing the actions. Therefore this is really about the patient as it is told through her eyes. What is the goals and what would be standing in the way of success.?

Wayne · Samurai · 710 pts

I'm a little confused as to who the hero is. :)

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Also agreed with Craig about the word "...passive..." for all intent and purposes you have literally described the MC as passive...

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

The inciting incident (discovering the special power) of the main character (the Psychiatrist) happens to the ally (the patient) not the main character. This is a problem as the inciting incident needs to happen to the MC and motivate him to take action.

Why not as DPG suggested make the one who discovers the powers the one who possesses them this way they would be compelled to do something with them. Other wise the main action described in the logline is to convince the psychiatrist.

If not that then let the psychiatrist discover his own powers and need to deal with them.

Hope this helps.

shaankle · Penpusher · 195 pts

Yea, I now realize that that is unclear. The psychiatrist is the one with the abilities. It's a short!

CraigDGriffiths · Overlord · 12,600 pts

I am not sure I like the use of passive. It sounds like it is a style or technique. One story element you may have to be careful handle well is what I call "why not just call the cops". This is when the obvious action would just end the story.

If he know what people are thinking and feeling. How does his boss manipulate him? Why wouldn't he pull on the bosses emotional triggers?