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7 reviews
The logline and title tell me pretty much what I can expect from this story, which is great. I would suggest losing the comma after "playboy". Also, I'm left feeling a little "then what?" from this logline, and not in a good way. What is the conclusion your story is drawing towards? How COULD this story end, from the elements you've provided?
I agree with the element of urgency with a sick father. I'm also confused why the audience would root for the playboy? Is it because the other one is corrupt? Why does the playboy decide to return? Why did he leave in the first place? Why does he return?
It seems like a very good idea. It really got my attention. Well done.
Great comments!
Yes, the playboy is the protagonist. Adding the element of urgency with a sick father is a nice touch as well as making the older brother corrupt.
Thanks for work-shopping.
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