When several soldiers mysteriously die during training, a young soldier learns that his supervisor is responsible for the deaths and must fight to prevent future deaths.

Sounds like a great premise, I have a few suggestions you might (or might not!) want to play with.?Consider upping the stakes by adding an adjective to specify the odd/gruesome/etc. details about the deaths , include a?character flaw by adding a different?adjective to describe the soldier (e.g. paranoid, overly zealous, former juvenile delinquent, etc.)?Maybe strengthen the "is responsible for the deaths" with something less passive (e.g. sacrificed his men in a corrupt power-play, or similar) and maybe strengthen the stakes by adding a consequence for failure (e.g. .. must fight to prevent future deaths... "including his own" or "before he is court-martialed"? or "before his supervisor discovers he is exposed" or something along those lines.??Best of luck

Great comments. Very helpful. Thank you. Originally, it was his best friend who was killed...at least one of the people who were killed. ?I wasn't sure how much should go into the logline. I will revise and repost. I'm new to this forum. Should I post a revision to this thread...or start a new post?

Agreed with the above comments.

Best to clearly define his goal - does he want to kill the drill sergeant? Does he want to have him court-martialed? What specifically is he trying to do?

Will the story cover the course of his basic training? Or will the story, much like Full Metal Jacket, stretch the course of his early military career?