While being pursued by police and a protection team, David Porter must find the legendary Tony Bill to pay off a gambling debt; or he’s dead

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The Tony Bill

10 reviews

bryson · Logliner · 450 pts

RobbRoss thanks for your feedback. Certainly good comments to add along with the others. Currently working on a stronger logline.

Kriss Tolliday · Wordsmith · 2,000 pts

I agree that the revision is better and flows more so than your original post. I like the idea that the Tony Bill is kept vague as feel this could be the twist of the story. People will think it is a person and it turns out it's not. Maybe the log line needs a little rewording so it captivates a reader a little more but I do think you are on the right lines.