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When a college-dropout moves to Montana to work at a Honky Tonk, he meets a broke cowgirl and falls in love, only to find out that they both compete at a local poetry slam contest for a literature scholarship and a new life.
Your logline is too dense with information. ?Brushstrokes only. ?Forgo the fine details."A college dropout new to Montana falls for a broke cowgirl ? then discovers?she's competing against him for the grand prize?at the local poetry slam."44 words to 26, now readable and digestible.
Your logline is too dense with information. ?Brushstrokes only. ?Forgo the fine details.
“A college dropout new to Montana falls for a broke cowgirl ? then discovers?she’s competing against him for the grand prize?at the local poetry slam.”
44 words to 26, now readable and digestible.
See lessArmed with the power of a legendary Trident from another world, a soft-spoken teen must battle against the wrath of an aquatic alien species as well as that of his best friend, all who whom seek the Trident for their own purposes.
You don't have a complete logline, so I'll just riff on what's there... "A crippled teen battles aquatic aliens to possess a legendary trident with the power to rule the seven oceans." - If the protag has the trident, the conflict is all about him retaining it. That will end up reactive, static, preRead more
You don’t have a complete logline, so I’ll just riff on what’s there…
“A crippled teen battles aquatic aliens to possess a legendary trident with the power to rule the seven oceans.”
– If the protag has the trident, the conflict is all about him retaining it. That will end up reactive, static, predictable. Give him a goal that sends him on a journey.
– “crippled teen” suggests fascinating possibilities when hitched to the undersea setting. It’s sort of the mermaid thing in reverse: he’s crippled on land, but perhaps more at home in water. Or the opposite: he has a harder time in the water thanks to his limited mobility.
See lessArmed with the power of a legendary Trident from another world, a soft-spoken teen must battle against the wrath of an aquatic alien species as well as that of his best friend, all who whom seek the Trident for their own purposes.
You don't have a complete logline, so I'll just riff on what's there... "A crippled teen battles aquatic aliens to possess a legendary trident with the power to rule the seven oceans." - If the protag has the trident, the conflict is all about him retaining it. That will end up reactive, static, preRead more
You don’t have a complete logline, so I’ll just riff on what’s there…
“A crippled teen battles aquatic aliens to possess a legendary trident with the power to rule the seven oceans.”
– If the protag has the trident, the conflict is all about him retaining it. That will end up reactive, static, predictable. Give him a goal that sends him on a journey.
– “crippled teen” suggests fascinating possibilities when hitched to the undersea setting. It’s sort of the mermaid thing in reverse: he’s crippled on land, but perhaps more at home in water. Or the opposite: he has a harder time in the water thanks to his limited mobility.
See less