1. Posted: August 8, 2015In:

    After a homeless young man, who thinks he brings a misfortune whenever he is, meets his idol and becomes a member of a group with super-powered people, called Core-holders, he starts thinking that this is turnaround in his life. Its awesome, its everything he ever wanted and? Core-holders start mysteriously dying. Of course.

    26polo26

    Hi everyone! This was a huge help, thank you a lot! Here is my thing- I?m working from outline, and although I can change a lot of it, I want to stick to the core of the story. If I should summarize that story in some kind of logline, it would be like this: After a strongest Core-holder- a cheerfulRead more

    Hi everyone!
    This was a huge help, thank you a lot!
    Here is my thing- I?m working from outline, and although I can change a lot of it, I want to stick to the core of the story. If I should summarize that story in some kind of logline, it would be like this:

    After a strongest Core-holder- a cheerful heroin, is condemned by law for execution , an obsessed by her comic-book fanboy is willing to do anything to spare her from such fate, even if it means to eliminate all of the other core-holders and become a villain only she could defeat.

    Here are my issues- there is no short way to describe what Core-holders are -which is a small group of people enhanced by mysterious artifacts (Cores), controlled by government, and used as energy source
    -the fact that main character is a killer, should be a big reveal in the story (and this one is ruining me the most)
    -it is a bit like a buddy-cop story where main character(the killer) and the strongest Core-holder(that cheerful heroin) share most of the screen time (or page space?) which makes it SO hard to distinct which one is main character.
    -and I can?t make Core-holders just a superheroes, the way the Cores work is a key to climax of the story

    As my task is to write a script out of this, I want my logline to be at least OK, and now I see how horrid the logline I posted is (sorry!). I tried to exploit one layer of the story as a irony factor of the logline.

    I know this is not scriptwriting forum, but bad logline=bad script, and for now I?m bit helpless.
    OK, I end this rant here.
    For any smallest advice- BIG thank you!
    And again, I hope this is readable.

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  2. Posted: August 8, 2015In:

    After a homeless young man, who thinks he brings a misfortune whenever he is, meets his idol and becomes a member of a group with super-powered people, called Core-holders, he starts thinking that this is turnaround in his life. Its awesome, its everything he ever wanted and? Core-holders start mysteriously dying. Of course.

    26polo26

    Note: This is meant for graphic novel. Genre: sci-fi action/drama Target audience: Y/A It seems bit too long, any help appreciated. If grammar is off, let me know (English is not my born language- sorry).

    Note: This is meant for graphic novel.
    Genre: sci-fi action/drama
    Target audience: Y/A

    It seems bit too long, any help appreciated. If grammar is off, let me know (English is not my born language- sorry).

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  3. Posted: May 10, 2015In:

    A superhuman woman, that is expected to be a savior of the futuristic world with no energy, needs to be saved by a looser fanboy- though not from danger outside, but rather from her self. Note: This is actually meant for comics(manga) script. Target audience is Y/A. Genre is sci-fi action/drama.

    26polo26

    Hi! It was not her choice to become what she is, and now she sees it as obligation. Her super-strength is that she is capable of being a source of energy(among others). I'm not sure how to fit all this into logline, or if it is necessary. As for physical vulnerability, she does not have one really,Read more

    Hi!
    It was not her choice to become what she is, and now she sees it as obligation.
    Her super-strength is that she is capable of being a source of energy(among others).
    I’m not sure how to fit all this into logline, or if it is necessary.
    As for physical vulnerability, she does not have one really, since physically she is more something like Captain America than Superman, so i don’t think it is needed. Might be wrong though.
    Anyway, thanx for response!
    (hopefully i do not spam too much)

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