1. Posted: August 2, 2014In:

    A group of city guys must transform and go undercover to hunt down the murderer of their transgender friend.

    AbbyAline

    I think the logline itself is fine, but I believe 'transgendered' is appropriate for this phrasing. It sounds unnatural to me as a gay lady to leave out the 'd'. I think you may want to tip your hand a little more in regards to the 'transform' part, but since I don't know what is behind door numberRead more

    I think the logline itself is fine, but I believe ‘transgendered’ is appropriate for this phrasing. It sounds unnatural to me as a gay lady to leave out the ‘d’.

    I think you may want to tip your hand a little more in regards to the ‘transform’ part, but since I don’t know what is behind door number one it’s hard to say.

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  2. Posted: August 1, 2014In:

    A group of high school students are transported to a castle when a promise is broken with a agent from hell. The Students must find a way out while defending themselves against many strange and deadly creatures.

    AbbyAline

    I agree with the comment above. I would also add that 'transported' seems like a strange word choice to me. Transported by what? A bus? I assume they are transported magically, and if that's the case I don't think it would hurt to say 'magically transported' or something similar. Without an adjectivRead more

    I agree with the comment above.

    I would also add that ‘transported’ seems like a strange word choice to me. Transported by what? A bus?

    I assume they are transported magically, and if that’s the case I don’t think it would hurt to say ‘magically transported’ or something similar. Without an adjective it just seems out of place.

    The ‘agent’ part also sticks out to me. It just doesn’t evoke an image in my mind. Again, I think a adjective is the fix. (or just be more specific as suggested by Richiev)

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  3. Posted: August 1, 2014In:

    A group of high school students are transported to a castle when a promise is broken with a agent from hell. The Students must find a way out while defending themselves against many strange and deadly creatures.

    AbbyAline

    I agree with the comment above. I would also add that 'transported' seems like a strange word choice to me. Transported by what? A bus? I assume they are transported magically, and if that's the case I don't think it would hurt to say 'magically transported' or something similar. Without an adjectivRead more

    I agree with the comment above.

    I would also add that ‘transported’ seems like a strange word choice to me. Transported by what? A bus?

    I assume they are transported magically, and if that’s the case I don’t think it would hurt to say ‘magically transported’ or something similar. Without an adjective it just seems out of place.

    The ‘agent’ part also sticks out to me. It just doesn’t evoke an image in my mind. Again, I think a adjective is the fix. (or just be more specific as suggested by Richiev)

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