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  1. Posted: September 6, 2012In: Public

    A frustrated team rider takes skateboarding distributor hostage , demanding a better deal , forced to fight he must evade capture escaping police.

    alexmoreno Penpusher
    Added an answer on September 14, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Hey, Alex. Alex m here. I'm new at this but I thinbk you need to revisit your log line. Should it read: A frustrated team rider takes-A- skateboarding distributor hostage , demanding a better deal , forced to fight he must evade capture -BY THE police As you have written it its too confusing. What dRead more

    Hey, Alex. Alex m here. I’m new at this but I thinbk you need to revisit your log line.
    Should it read:
    A frustrated team rider takes-A- skateboarding distributor hostage , demanding a better deal , forced to fight he must evade capture -BY THE police

    As you have written it its too confusing.

    What do you mean by frustrated?
    Sexually? Something to do with skateboards? Distribution?
    Maybe you should choose a better adjective that jives with your story.
    Did the distributor rip him off? If so, then maybe a cheated skateboarder?

    Why is he forced to fight? What happened? Why is he in trouble with the police?
    He is either avoiding capture (arrest) or is escaping (had been arrested).

    If I knew more about your story- I could give you a suggestion:

    (Again I don’t know the stakes of your character which we MUST know in a log line)
    But try:
    When a manic team rider takes a skateboarding distributor hostage , after it leads to an accidental tragic death, he is forced to flee town before he is captured by the police and wrongfully pegged for the crime.

    Good luck.

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  2. Posted: September 14, 2012In: Public

    When a timid janitor?s fiance is kidnapped by a fire demon, he must locate a mythical artifact and uncover its power before the devil kills his lover and unborn child

    alexmoreno Penpusher
    Added an answer on September 14, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    I would capatilize Devil. Otherwise you have nailed (what I believe log lines need) the Character/Conflict/Stakes info needed to entice a reader/producer to pick up your spec. Well done.

    I would capatilize Devil. Otherwise you have nailed (what I believe log lines need) the Character/Conflict/Stakes info needed to entice a reader/producer to pick up your spec. Well done.

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