1. Posted: May 25, 2013In:

    1999. Reception lounges are dying. After six years banishment, a CBD event manager reluctantly returns to work in The Palace, his old man?s Greek reception lounge in the suburbs, on their biggest wedding ever, and he will save his family from financial ruin and shame? If his father will just let him.

    alexmoreno Penpusher

    1st - its very long. 2nd- it is not cathcy 3rd - to vague (what is a CBD?) Stick w/ the formula" a reluctant events manager is forced to work at his dad's business in order to save up money to save the family home". That's the basic- now add some pizzaz: " A dyslexic family man is forced to work asRead more

    1st – its very long.
    2nd- it is not cathcy
    3rd – to vague (what is a CBD?)

    Stick w/ the formula” a reluctant events manager is forced to work at his dad’s business in order to save up money to save the family home”. That’s the basic- now add some pizzaz: ” A dyslexic family man is forced to work as an accountant at his dad’s fledging business in order to save his family home- trouble is the mortgage company have already given them 30 days to vacate!”
    I’ve no idea what your story is really about from your log-line so I’m shooting in the dark here!

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  2. Posted: April 25, 2013In:

    When a young farm boy is thrust into the horrors of war, he must use his survival skills in order to help proect the first journalist reporting at the Crimean War.

    alexmoreno Penpusher

    DPG- Cheers. Soem good thoughts to ponder..

    DPG- Cheers. Soem good thoughts to ponder..

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  3. Posted: April 23, 2013In:

    An aging hitman goes up against his boss over a single night in order to protect his family.

    alexmoreno Penpusher

    I like that the logline is short and snappy but I need a reason in it for me to care about reading the script..

    I like that the logline is short and snappy but I need a reason in it for me to care about reading the script..

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