Hi Cryters. To be honest, I’m really new to this logline stuff, so please don’t think that I speak with any authority. One comment I read before said that the protagonist should have their character theme trait and goal in the logline. The theme trait would be the tool that the protagonist moves the story along with. So, for example, the Devil leaves hell and their practices because he stubbornly will not do what he’s told. Later in the story, he either overcomes that stubbornness or uses it to win the day. But in the logline he’s a stubborn devil because that’s the characters theme.

Stubbornness is just an example by the way. You can definitely come up with a better trait. How about disobedience for irony? Lucifer would be a real hypocrite if he doesn’t like disobedience.

The story’s theme could be mentioned too, so as it’s about refugees, could you say that the family seek refuge in suburbia? Your third logline conveys the story to me really well. –

A persecuted family of good devils flees Hell for Earthly suburbia where they fight to gain acceptance in a neighbourhood embroiled in battling a property developer.?

From what I’ve read, that’s very correct because it shows the story and the visual story that’s being told. Maybe the protagonist should be more proactive. So instead of becoming embroiled in a property development war, The family chooses to defend a town that fears and despises them from a ruthless property developer. Like I say though, I have no experience with logline rules and I think I’m mixing it up with tagline rules.

Just as an aside, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Is lucifer the property developer?