Hi, I’d say be more specific in your revised logline – we connect and care about the main characters you present. In this you have some potentially gripping but then the stakes are generic – more lives are lost – but we can’t grasp this as a personal connection as we see news all day about public lives lost. I’d either say they’re trying to kill him before he sorts it out like Three Days of the Condor. Also, I’m not sure if this is your story, but this looks like he’s a journalist so his own organization is a newspaper, hence you’re saying a newspaper is killing all the prostitutes? If so, I’m thinking this is a bit unlikely, but it might make a really compelling story, that’s just my personal reaction to it.

I hope any/all/some of that helps.