1. Posted: June 17, 2013In:

    The story about the ghost of a 5-year-old who will not rest until her mother gets justice, finds love and lives happily ever after.

    Carmen

    Obviously my example above needs your antagonist slotted in at 'an unjust cause'! ;-)

    Obviously my example above needs your antagonist slotted in at ‘an unjust cause’! 😉

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  2. Posted: June 17, 2013In:

    The story about the ghost of a 5-year-old who will not rest until her mother gets justice, finds love and lives happily ever after.

    Carmen

    Hi Mike, Yes, I also think you should outline the antagonist or at least the danger that the mother is in to create more drama in your log line. I personally am ok with 'This is a story...'. In fact I had to hand in a logline and synopsis to a filming body and their example of a logline started withRead more

    Hi Mike,

    Yes, I also think you should outline the antagonist or at least the danger that the mother is in to create more drama in your log line. I personally am ok with ‘This is a story…’. In fact I had to hand in a logline and synopsis to a filming body and their example of a logline started with those words. But it just adds more words and the best loglines are under 25 words. 😉

    The ghost of a 5yr old girl will go to any lengths to protect her grieving mother from ‘an unjust cause’ so she can finally find happiness.

    Hope this helps!

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  3. Posted: June 3, 2013

    Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

    Carmen

    Thanks dpg. I did watch 'Moonrise Kingdom' and absolutely loved it! But the feelings between those two main characters go so much further than where my script has gone. Sex isn't remotely on his brain. The boy in my script doesn't think further than: I don't know why i like her, but i like being witRead more

    Thanks dpg. I did watch ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ and absolutely loved it! But the feelings between those two main characters go so much further than where my script has gone. Sex isn’t remotely on his brain. The boy in my script doesn’t think further than: I don’t know why i like her, but i like being with her! He is a very different boy. Even so, since these posts, I have been more aware of what happens between sexes at that age. it stems from the same vein as girl hating boys and boys hating girls- especially the ones they really like! My lead character is just different enough not to swim with the stream. Thanks so much for your input. Good or bad, I need feedback from potential audience members out there, so thanks for being honest! 😉

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