1. Posted: June 28, 2012

    A woman travels through parallel universes and discovers different lives, loves and losses. Now she must choose: should she stay in the life she might have had, or return to the one she has?

    CatdFifth Penpusher

    Thank, Lachlan. I'm thinking of writing it as: Viv, a woman who travels through parallel universes and sees her different lives, must choose between the life she has and the one that might have been. Still sounds clunky, so I'll have to refine it more.

    Thank, Lachlan. I’m thinking of writing it as: Viv, a woman who travels through parallel universes and sees her different lives, must choose between the life she has and the one that might have been.
    Still sounds clunky, so I’ll have to refine it more.

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  2. Posted: August 7, 2012In:

    An Australian researcher, transforms her life, after meeting a Scottish SAS captain in London and making a commitment to meet him again in five years time, when he retires.

    CatdFifth Penpusher

    Hi Phoenix. I think this sentence generates enough interest to hook readers, but as a logline, you may want to include the conflict or goal. Is it just to meet the captain again in 5 years, or something larger, more urgent? If you're sticking with the logline as it is now, you can remove the first tRead more

    Hi Phoenix. I think this sentence generates enough interest to hook readers, but as a logline, you may want to include the conflict or goal. Is it just to meet the captain again in 5 years, or something larger, more urgent?

    If you’re sticking with the logline as it is now, you can remove the first two commas (not necessary) and just stick with the last.

    Cheers

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  3. Posted: June 30, 2012In:

    Vivienne's travels through her alternate realities and discovers different lives, loves and losses. Now she risks losing everything in order to have it all.

    CatdFifth Penpusher

    Sorry about the typo--dang iPad :-) first word should be 'Vivienne', not Vivienne's,

    Sorry about the typo–dang iPad 🙂 first word should be ‘Vivienne’, not Vivienne’s,

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