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“After a series of bizarre events erupt across the globe, a self-sabotaging math genius is forced, along with a team of hand-picked misfits, to? maintain a bug ridden simulation, namely, life as we know it.” Title: ‘Revelations’ – 1 Hour Scifi TV Pilot
This is better with a different style of logline since it is a series. I think of these as pitch loglines. Also you have grabbed hold of some well worn tropes and used them. ?They are not helping you. A protagonist that is their own worse emeny is very tired. Also a little hard to support as a view.Read more
This is better with a different style of logline since it is a series. I think of these as pitch loglines.
Also you have grabbed hold of some well worn tropes and used them. ?They are not helping you.
A protagonist that is their own worse emeny is very tired. Also a little hard to support as a view. They begin to feel self centered. ?Misfit… so who doesn?t this group fit in with? Society? There pier of scientists? Misfits feels like a great way of describing ?someone but it isnt specific enough for a logline.
Here is my take.
Revelations is a series where a group led by a mathes genius must maintain a simulation to prevserve life on our panet after a series of global events.
I am not sure what the story is.
Are they looking after simulation? ?Are you saying our planet is a simulation?
The fact that they were hand picked is irrelevant after the second episode. ?For a logline for a series, you need to describe the universe you are going to be telling the stories in. It is a back drop for many stories to come. A logline for a film tells about an event that can only be told once, a flm. ?Once Frodo destroys the ring, movie over. He can?t destroy the ring each week.
See lessA serial killer is driven by the voice of God to kill five killers ? in order to keep the woman he?s falling in love with, a Christian, who is giving him a conscience.
The goals and obstacles don?t line up perfectly so it feels a little disjointed. He is killing killers because god says if he does a woman will live him? Does she already love him? If yes, then what would change that.? If she was a good woman, him just killing would end it. If he had no conscience wRead more
The goals and obstacles don?t line up perfectly so it feels a little disjointed.
He is killing killers because god says if he does a woman will live him? Does she already love him? If yes, then what would change that.?
If she was a good woman, him just killing would end it. If he had no conscience why would she be in love with him? I think that detail brings in confusion rather than a good question.
?Believing God told him to kill 5 people to retain the love of his devout wife. A man struggles with killing and keeping it secret from his confidant to avoid disappointing her?.
This is not your story. But the goal and obstacles are more directly aligned.
See lessA smart but directionless food delivery boy is mistakenly given the kiss of death from a psychotic gangster and must outwit the mob in order to survive and get his life back on track
It reads okay. But it feels like a series of events. Rather than a story. I would try: When a delivery boy is accidentally given the kiss of death by a mobster he must (a goal) to avoid being killed but (obstacle). If you have space you could. When a delivery boy is accidentally given the kiss of deRead more
It reads okay. But it feels like a series of events. Rather than a story.
I would try:
When a delivery boy is accidentally given the kiss of death by a mobster he must (a goal) to avoid being killed but (obstacle).
If you have space you could.
When a delivery boy is accidentally given the kiss of death by a mobster he must (a goal) to avoid being killed but (obstacle) but (complication).
When a delivery boy is accidentally given the kiss of death by a mobster he must he must get to the crime bosses night club to explain the mistake to avoid being killed but he is hunted by a hitman and the police.
This isn?t your story. But something like that give a bit more detail. ?From your line it is a it like stating the obvious. Someone is coming to kill you, you must outsmart them.
Regards
Craig
See less