1. Posted: December 13, 2012In:

    An introverted young Goth must stand up to a murderous cop and free a country town of corruption to win back the girl of his dreams.

    damien

    Thanks Nicholas, Yeah I did try to get the logline to do too much. I'm glad there's a site like this for workshopping the forgotten aspect of screenwriting. I'll post a new one. Thanks again.

    Thanks Nicholas,

    Yeah I did try to get the logline to do too much. I’m glad there’s a site like this for workshopping the forgotten aspect of screenwriting.

    I’ll post a new one. Thanks again.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 7, 2012In:

    In order to be with the girl he loves, Jason Blackthorne, a young Goth from the city must win the respect of a country town, overcome the corruption of local law enforcement and earn the trust of the girl?s father; a man he once tried to rob. All whilst being dragged into a search for Ned Kelly's lost stash of gold by an ex-criminal.

    damien

    Thanks Geno, this is good feedback thanks. I'll strip it down; An introverted young Goth must stand up to a murderous cop and free a country town of corruption to win back the girl of his dreams.

    Thanks Geno, this is good feedback thanks. I’ll strip it down;

    An introverted young Goth must stand up to a murderous cop and free a country town of corruption to win back the girl of his dreams.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: July 22, 2012In:

    A Jewish Irish female, influenced by Irish and Jewish mythology and mysticism as practiced in the bigoted ideological, religious and social structure of the early twentieth century, helps others with their lives as she herself struggles with prejudice, near death and perpetual displacement in her journey from wealth to poverty to the stability of marriage and escape to Australia.

    damien

    It needs to indicate the genre. Is she psychic, as in a supernatural thriller? There is the riches to rags to riches story line there which gives a producer an idea of how to market the film so start from there. Who is the main antagonist, general bigotry is not enough for the protagonist to go up aRead more

    It needs to indicate the genre. Is she psychic, as in a supernatural thriller? There is the riches to rags to riches story line there which gives a producer an idea of how to market the film so start from there. Who is the main antagonist, general bigotry is not enough for the protagonist to go up against because it is an ideology of the masses, the protagonist needs to go up against someone who represents the bigotry, someone whose bigotry stops the main character from achieving what they set out to achieve,

    Try to sum up the story in as few words as possible, too much information and eyes glaze over.

    See less
    • 0