1. Posted: March 8, 2016In:

    An intrepid paleontologist battles deadly beasts on a Jovian moon after being hired by the U.S. government to join an interstellar crew to study an uncovered ancient fossil.

    danielplagens Logliner

    This is interesting if familiar conceptual piece of science fiction. Being more specific in the logline may help it stand out from the classic Alien and from Prometheus. What, exactly, are the deadly beasts trying to do? Obviously protect the ancient fossil, but why is it so important to keep hiddenRead more

    This is interesting if familiar conceptual piece of science fiction. Being more specific in the logline may help it stand out from the classic Alien and from Prometheus.

    What, exactly, are the deadly beasts trying to do? Obviously protect the ancient fossil, but why is it so important to keep hidden from humans? Is there a bigger threat to Earth back home if our paleontologist doesn’t defeat them?

    Lastly, I’m not so sure you need the last bit about the United States government. Perhaps starting with “an intrepid paleontologist on a mission with an interstellar crew” may be enough.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: March 8, 2016In:

    When intruders break into her home, the ghost of a paraplegic must save her unsuspecting husband from the intruders? sinister plan that involves planting venomous snakes in the husband?s closet.

    Best Answer
    danielplagens Logliner

    While the goal?and stakes are clear, ?I have questions about the setup. How is our ghost going to stop the intruders? Is she a poltergeist? More importantly, why the venomous snakes? I assume these intruders are planning on killing the husband. So why aren't they just trying to kill him outright? WhRead more

    While the goal?and stakes are clear, ?I have questions about the setup. How is our ghost going to stop the intruders? Is she a poltergeist? More importantly, why the venomous snakes? I assume these intruders are planning on killing the husband. So why aren’t they just trying to kill him outright? Why go through the trouble of the Snakes on a Plane esque tactics?

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: March 7, 2016In:

    When Emma discovers that her suave seducer is planning to kill her, she must escape his isolated mountain lodge and track across treacherous terrain while he hunts her down.

    danielplagens Logliner

    This is a pretty well written logline. There's a goal and high steaks. I understand how the story's going to work and the genre. My only question is about Emma. We don't usually need a name in loglines, so I'd recommend replacing the proper name with a descriptor. What kind of a girl is Emma? ThinkiRead more

    This is a pretty well written logline. There’s a goal and high steaks. I understand how the story’s going to work and the genre.

    My only question is about Emma. We don’t usually need a name in loglines, so I’d recommend replacing the proper name with a descriptor. What kind of a girl is Emma? Thinking about how an experience like this would change a person may lead you to an interesting character. What is someone going to learn from surviving, or even just being put into, this kind of a situation? Is she a shy girl, the polar opposite of a suave seducer, or a bit of a party animal?

    Again, this is super good. Addressing that one note may be all you need to solidify the concept.

    See less
    • 0