1. Posted: August 23, 2017In:

    After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land, she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the powers to send her home.

    Best Answer
    DanielSturman Logliner

    There's a motivation problem in Wizard of Oz. She wants to go home the moment from the moment she gets there, yet 'theirs no place like home' is the moral?

    There’s a motivation problem in Wizard of Oz. She wants to go home the moment from the moment she gets there, yet ‘theirs no place like home’ is the moral?

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  2. Posted: August 17, 2017In:

    A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.

    DanielSturman Logliner

    I've read you're comments, and I have some suggestions?for you: Retired suggests he is old, whereas you have implied elsewhere that he left space based on a an emotional disorder, so make that point. You say the story is set in a future where space travel is common, yet you call him an astronaut, whRead more

    I’ve read you’re comments, and I have some suggestions?for you:

    1. Retired suggests he is old, whereas you have implied elsewhere that he left space based on a an emotional disorder, so make that point.
    2. You say the story is set in a future where space travel is common, yet you call him an astronaut, which isn’t what we would call Ellen Ripley or Han Solo.

    How about this:
    A withdrawn?ex-space pilot must re-enter the supersonic ship that nearly killed him?so he can?stop the?space station crashing into earth.

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  3. Posted: August 8, 2017In:

    When a teenage Jewish boy in Auschwitz learns his dream girl is Hitler?s daughter, he decides to stand up from the eyes of the SS and show death is not the only arousing them and not an infatuation he had on her.

    Best Answer
    DanielSturman Logliner

    To "set up to stay in love with Hitler's daughter" suggests he has made a choice, but a passive one, and based on what revelation? Is the revelation that she is Hitler's daughter? If so, then shouldn't it be something like "When a Jewish boy in a Auschwitz learns that his crush is Hitler's daughter.Read more

    To “set up to stay in love with Hitler’s daughter” suggests he has made a choice, but a passive one, and based on what revelation? Is the revelation that she is Hitler’s daughter? If so, then shouldn’t it be something like “When a Jewish boy in a Auschwitz learns that his crush is Hitler’s daughter…”

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