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  1. Posted: July 25, 2013In: Public

    It?s unexpected "love at first sight" for two outgoing romantics, but despite their mutually acknowledged connection the two unrequited soul mates stand by their current plans and relationships, living the ups and downs of their separate lives, challenged by what might have been, and what, years later, just might be.

    daveb
    Added an answer on July 25, 2013 at 5:23 am

    OK, I probably have too much of act one in the log line. The acts I'm planning are more like: 1) They meet, but decide the to choose 'safe'. 2) They realize that their 'safe' paths just aren't going to work out. 3) They remove themselves from their 'safe' paths to be together. So from your comment IRead more

    OK, I probably have too much of act one in the log line. The acts I’m planning are more like:
    1) They meet, but decide the to choose ‘safe’.
    2) They realize that their ‘safe’ paths just aren’t going to work out.
    3) They remove themselves from their ‘safe’ paths to be together.

    So from your comment I’m guess that my log line has too much about act one in it and not enough of act three?

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  2. Posted: July 23, 2013In: Public

    A college student attempts to raise funds for his survival, by hosting a huge house party during the initial days of a zombie outbreak. But when local law enforcement busts the party, we learn they?re not just there for the noise complaints.

    daveb
    Added an answer on July 25, 2013 at 3:29 am

    I'm not sure I get your premise. The college student is hosting a party during a zombie outbreak to make some money to survive the zombie outbreak? Also I would add a one or two word description of the protagonist to give us a bit more insight in to their personality in addition to them being a studRead more

    I’m not sure I get your premise. The college student is hosting a party during a zombie outbreak to make some money to survive the zombie outbreak?

    Also I would add a one or two word description of the protagonist to give us a bit more insight in to their personality in addition to them being a student.

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  3. Posted: July 23, 2013In: Public

    After falling victim to a humiliating prank by the high school Queen Bee, best friends and world-class geeks, Mindy and Jodi, decide to get their revenge by uniting the outcasts of the school against her and her circle of friends.

    daveb
    Added an answer on July 25, 2013 at 3:23 am

    I'm fine with geek, but I think making them "world-class" shrinks the perceived challenge faced by the protagonists, making it seem like there's less conflict.

    I’m fine with geek, but I think making them “world-class” shrinks the perceived challenge faced by the protagonists, making it seem like there’s less conflict.

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