1. Posted: October 19, 2013

    A wrestler seeks revenge against his brother's murderer, Little did they know that this is more complicated than he originally thought it would be

    dcjohn

    "This is more complicated than he originally thought" seems a little coy for a logline. If it's a great complication/obstacle and potential hook, then why not include it?

    “This is more complicated than he originally thought” seems a little coy for a logline. If it’s a great complication/obstacle and potential hook, then why not include it?

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  2. Posted: October 2, 2013In:

    After having searched around the world for the perfect girl, a young man finds just what he?s been looking for in his own small town where a high school friend has always been waiting for him.

    dcjohn

    It seems so generic. Give me a specific attribute or two for the protagonist (particularly if they hint at weaknesses), and I suspect the rest will fall into place.

    It seems so generic. Give me a specific attribute or two for the protagonist (particularly if they hint at weaknesses), and I suspect the rest will fall into place.

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  3. Posted: October 12, 2013In:

    The summer of 1978 will change a group of young ghost investigators lives forever ? they must solve the mystery at the heart of their rural seaside town and catch a villain with nothing more than their wits and chopper bikes all the while growing together as they grow up.

    dcjohn

    It seems like you're burying the lede by holding off mentioning the choppers till the end. If they're a biker gang that investigates ghosts, then why not make that clear right at the initial description of the protagonists.

    It seems like you’re burying the lede by holding off mentioning the choppers till the end. If they’re a biker gang that investigates ghosts, then why not make that clear right at the initial description of the protagonists.

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