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Two unlikely partners, whom have the ability to bend space, time, and travel universes endlessly, must learn the secrets of the universe to harness their powers while being hunted down by their future selves to prevent them from creating a cosmic and catastrophic nightmare.
First, it should be 'who' not 'whom' because the two partners are performing the action. But anyway, there is no inciting incident. Why do they need to harness their powers? Just a thought, but perhaps the main characters are overpowered. So in the future they make a mistake, and then they have to tRead more
First, it should be ‘who’ not ‘whom’ because the two partners are performing the action. But anyway, there is no inciting incident. Why do they need to harness their powers? Just a thought, but perhaps the main characters are overpowered. So in the future they make a mistake, and then they have to the power to travel back in time to prevent them from making that mistake? That means that they don’t have to face the consequences of their actions.?What need do they have for traveling universes endlessly? I’m not saying it won’t work, but maybe just think about it.
See lessIt seems like it could be an interesting premise, but the logline needs some work.
Les has a fantasy to become a famous porn star. When his Dad kicks him out after following him to a gay sauna he runs away to LA, trapped by his own narcissism it?s not long before he resorts to prostitution to feed a growing crystal meth and alcohol addiction but when Les witnesses his ex lover dying of an overdose he starts an unpredictable roller coaster ride to recovery that brings him to a practice of yoga and sends him on a spiritual quest to India and Bali that changes his life forever.
It is too wordy. The first sentence is probably not even needed. You also are trying to describe too much of the plot. Really just try to cut it down to the inciting incident and what that leads into. So, maybe something like: After being kicked out by his father, a boy resorts to prostitution in orRead more
It is too wordy. The first sentence is probably not even needed. You also are trying to describe too much of the plot. Really just try to cut it down to the inciting incident and what that leads into. So, maybe something like: After being kicked out by his father, a boy resorts to prostitution in order to supply his addictions that leads him to a spiritual road to recovery.
See lessOr something like that.