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Planet Spaceballs’ President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal planet Druidia’s abundant supply of air to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them. SPACEBALLS
Loglines for existing works should be labelled under the Examples category rather than selecting a genre. You're right that there was likely no need for a logline, just saying that it's a goof on Star Wars. But the IMDb should still try to describe the plot so people will know what it's about. EvenRead more
Loglines for existing works should be labelled under the Examples category rather than selecting a genre.
See lessYou’re right that there was likely no need for a logline, just saying that it’s a goof on Star Wars. But the IMDb should still try to describe the plot so people will know what it’s about.
Even though it likely needed no logline, that doesn’t mean you can’t try to study the elements of the story and create a logline from it.
Using the format we use on this site, it would be better to not include names, even though they are characters based on other original characters, they themselves weren’t established before this movie. The blurb from IMDb isn’t told from the perspective of the protagonist, Lone Starr, who is only mentioned at the end.
So if you wanted to this blurb could be turned into a standard logline.
A young and lonely businessman wants to find true happiness in order to give his life more purpose and standing in his way is only himself.
The logline doesn't describe any visual action. It only describes the subjective need of protagonist. The logline-and by extension the story-should be about the external goal of the protagonist. For general information on loglines, review the Formula tab at the top of the page. Anyway, what will weRead more
The logline doesn’t describe any visual action. It only describes the subjective need of protagonist. The logline-and by extension the story-should be about the external goal of the protagonist. For general information on loglines, review the Formula tab at the top of the page.
See lessAnyway, what will we see on screen? What’s the external conflict? Who’s the antagonist?
What is the event outside of the protagonist’s control that upsets his status quo, that motivates him to pursue his goal?
As Foxtrot says, the logline needs a lot of work. If the story has no external conflict, then it needs work as well, but so far all I can tell is that the loglien needs work.
As someone who reviews a lot of the loglines on this site, I type the same thing or slight variations often. Go through other loglines and read them, but more importantly read the feedback they’ve received. Try going to the Examples tab and read loglines for produced works, try finding a movie/show you’ve seen and see how the logline describes that work. Reading other posts and reviewing the Formula tab should help you get a better grasp on creating a logline, and maybe help you better understand storytelling.
I hope this helps.
When an anxious recluse agrees to take his cancer-fighting friend on one last adventure, he doesn?t bank on having his beliefs, loyalties and survival skills challenged when she falls fatally ill.
"When a terminal cancer patient requests her friend, an online anxious recluse, to travel to the United States to join her on a road trip, he isn?t prepared to cope when she turns fatally ill." The problem with this revision is that it doesn't clearly identify the main character. It starts from theRead more
“When a terminal cancer patient requests her friend, an online anxious recluse, to travel to the United States to join her on a road trip, he isn?t prepared to cope when she turns fatally ill.”
The problem with this revision is that it doesn’t clearly identify the main character. It starts from the perspective of the woman, and then changes to the man. All other characters should be described by their relationship to the protagonist. The logline also needs a specific destination or goal. What does the road trip accomplish? Where does she want to go, or what does she want to see?
See lessWhat’s the conflict of the story? I can’t recognize any external conflict from either versions of the logline.
But anyway, here’s an example:?After his friend turns fatally ill, an anxious recluse must take her on a road trip across the U.S so she can visit her grandmother.?
Just an example using elements from your concept. But again, what’s the conflict, what’s the point of the journey?