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When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
To go along with what DPG ?said, I simply have to point out one thing: In both of my posts I had to ask how she seeks out her revenge. As DPG said revenge can encompass many different actions that the protagonist would take to achieve her goal. You even had to make the distinction of it being closerRead more
To go along with what DPG ?said, I simply have to point out one thing: In both of my posts I had to ask how she seeks out her revenge. As DPG said revenge can encompass many different actions that the protagonist would take to achieve her goal. You even had to make the distinction of it being closer to a Hitchcock movie rather than Kill Bill.
“When a woman?s failure to speak-up leads to her best friend?s rape, she must redeem herself by avenging her friend.”
I think you handled the inciting incident better than I did in my example. I had trouble trying to word it to be specific and introduce the guilt and redemption arc.
“What you all seem to be saying is that the logline take us as far into the film as necessary until we come to a unique hook.”
How far the hook is in the film doesn’t really matter, what matters is that it is present in the logline, to get your script read. We’ve had a discussion before about the importance of the elements in a logline, and first and foremost, the most important thing is the hook. The hook could be the concept itself, or a high concept story, which could be a twist on a tried and familiar story type, such as this logline?DPG posted. Or if it’s fantasy or sci-fi it could be a new and cool technology or magic, something people would want to see on screen.
See lessSo what’s your twist, your hook? What’s the thing that sets your story apart from the numerous revenge stories we’ve seen? What will make a producer want to read your script, fund it and see this on screen?
When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
"After a reticent woman fails to warn her friend she could be raped and she is raped, the woman seeks to redeem herself through vengeance."The logline suffers from telling, not showing. Don't tell us she seeks to redeem herself, tell us the thing she needs redemption from and then show us how she doRead more
“After a reticent woman fails to warn her friend she could be raped and she is raped, the woman seeks to redeem herself through vengeance.”
The logline suffers from telling, not showing. Don’t tell us she seeks to redeem herself, tell us the thing she needs redemption from and then show us how she does it. Don’t just tell us she seeks vengeance, describe how she achieves it, or plans to achieve it.
Example:?After failing to prevent her friend from being raped, a woman seeks vengeance by gathering evidence to but the men in prison. (22)
Keep in mind this just me coming up with something using your story elements to show you an example of a logline. I still don’t know exactly what the main action of the story is, how she achieves her goal of vengeance.?
As of right now, I think the logline fails to present a compelling hook. Not to say it isn’t an interesting idea with potential, but it needs that something that sticks out, something that draws attention and reels the reader in. Perhaps her method of vengeance can be interesting and unique, something a producer would look at and want to fund to see it on the big screen.?
I hope this helps.?
See lessWhen her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
"When her male colleagues wager on her best friend?s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance." The wager is not the inciting incident. The inciting incident, the event which propels the story is the rape. ?Describe her, what is her personalRead more
“When her male colleagues wager on her best friend?s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.”
The wager is not the inciting incident. The inciting incident, the event which propels the story is the rape. ?Describe her, what is her personality? And what does she need redemption from? Describe the specific way she seeks vengeance. Does she use a knife to slowly mutilate each of the them before killing them? Does she know martial arts? It almost reminds me of Kill Bill.
Example:?When her best friend is raped because of a bet, a woman seeks vengeance against the men who made the bet. (21)
See less