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Thanks to a translator biochip, nobody has to speak the same language anymore. When the young CTO of the company responsible for this groundbreaking technology discovers their imminent firmware release has been hacked, she is against the clock to save everyone from bio warfare.
"Thanks to a translator biochip, nobody has to speak the same language anymore. When the young CTO of the company responsible for this groundbreaking technology discovers their imminent firmware release has been hacked, she is against the clock to save everyone from bio warfare." How does the hack lRead more
“Thanks to a translator biochip, nobody has to speak the same language anymore. When the young CTO of the company responsible for this groundbreaking technology discovers their imminent firmware release has been hacked, she is against the clock to save everyone from bio warfare.”
How does the hack lead to bio warfare? The first sentence can be cut and integrated into the rest. Also what exactly does she have to do? Get rid of a virus? Regain control?
Example:?When she discovers the new firmware release for a translator biochip has been hacked, a young CTO has 12 hours to fix the hack before it starts a war.?(29)
I could give a better example if I had a specific action she must take in order to stop this war.
See lessThe Descent to Madness: After his last movie bombed and a stint in rehab, a drug addicted movie mogul returns to his studio to find his best director on the verge of insanity while filming their comeback vehicle, starring the woman they both love.
"After his last movie bombed and a stint in rehab, a drug addicted movie mogul returns to his studio to find his best director on the verge of insanity while filming their comeback vehicle, starring the woman they both love." This doesn't describe a plot. In fact it reads like the entire thing is onRead more
“After his last movie bombed and a stint in rehab, a drug addicted movie mogul returns to his studio to find his best director on the verge of insanity while filming their comeback vehicle, starring the woman they both love.”
This doesn’t describe a plot. In fact it reads like the entire thing is only the inciting incident. What does this filmmaker do as a result of what the inciting incident?
See lessTHE BEAST OF JAIPUR – When a lonely leper from the Untouchable class in modern day India ‘s only friend – a precocious 8 year old girl – is abducted by an evil supernatural figure and forced into sex slavery, he must overcome his debilitating disease and risk his life to rescue her.
"When a lonely leper from the Untouchable class in modern day India ?s only friend ? a precocious 8 year old girl ? is abducted by an evil supernatural figure and forced into sex slavery, he must overcome his debilitating disease and risk his life to rescue her." While the setting and exploration ofRead more
“When a lonely leper from the Untouchable class in modern day India ?s only friend ? a precocious 8 year old girl ? is abducted by an evil supernatural figure and forced into sex slavery, he must overcome his debilitating disease and risk his life to rescue her.”
While the setting and exploration of the Indian caste system is interesting, it takes up too much space in the logline. Space that could be used to describe this supernatural figure. Also the specific action he takes to overcome this disease and the specific way he risks his life to rescue her. That leads into something else: it appears that your antagonist is only evil for the sake of being the antagonist. Why does the antagonist do what he does? It should be more than that he’s just evil.
Another thing about the characters is that you seem to be falling into the ‘Damsel in Distress’ trope. What does the seemingly one prominent female character in your story do other than get captured and wait for the man to come rescue her? Also, why does it need to be him? He already has the disease that he must overcome, why doesn’t he just inform the authorities, seek out a supernatural person of his own?
Example:?When his friend is abducted by a supernatural figure and forced into sex slavery, a poor Indian leper must overcome his disease to rescue her. (25)
See less