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When he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches, a lovelorn but clueless teen has one week to win his true love before she leaves for college.
"When he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches, a lovelorn but clueless teen has one week to win his true love before she leaves for college." The inciting incident does not logically lead to the goal. Let's say for a specific example(which you should include, what person's desires upeRead more
“When he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches, a lovelorn but clueless teen has one week to win his true love before she leaves for college.”
The inciting incident does not logically lead to the goal. Let’s say for a specific example(which you should include, what person’s desires upends his life? What affects him to set his goal? But an example I’ll use:) He sees his mother or father, or some family member’s desires. To him they are not pleasant. To be more comedic maybe his grandmother would work better.
How does that make him want to win his love’s heart? Ask yourself, if next time you touched someone and you suddenly got an image of their desire, would that motivate you to try to get your true love to be with you?
Here’s an example of a film you are likely familiar with, Star Wars:
Inciting incident: Luke?s aunt and uncle are killed,
See lesswhich causes him to set his…
Goal: To help fight the tyranny of?the Empire
and he does this by?
Action: Learning to use the Force and then joining the Rebellion.
Breaking it down, the inciting incident is that he comes home after visiting Ben Kenobi and finds his family dead. And what does that do? He decides to accept Ben’s offer, to learn to become a Jedi and fight against the Empire. Why? How does that motivate him? Because the Empire took everything from him. He has nothing left. Even at the beginning of the film he’d always wanted more than to just be a farm boy. Now is his chance.
There’s a clear motivation, a clear link between inciting incident and goal. Try checking out the Formula tab at the top of the page if you need more information.
I hope this helps.
When his life unravels, a selfish, high school Jock is given a chance of redemption when he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches. p.s I’m trying something a bit different … 2 log lines based on the same premise. This one is a comeuppance tale of Jerk transformed to Good Guy. The next submission is Loser to Hero…. Your thoughts on both or either please. And which transformation do you prefer? which logline is the most ironic?
"When his life unravels, a selfish, high school Jock is given a chance of redemption when he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches." How does his life unravel? This is the inciting incident, it should be a clear, specific moment that leads to logical, causal action from the protagonistRead more
“When his life unravels, a selfish, high school Jock is given a chance of redemption when he starts visualizing the desires of anyone he touches.”
How does his life unravel? This is the inciting incident, it should be a clear, specific moment that leads to logical, causal action from the protagonist. What does he need to redeem himself from? How does him visualizing people’s desires affect the story? What does he want? The logline should include:
Inciting incident: As said before, a clear moment that upends his life and motivates him to set…
See lessGoal: What he wants to achieve. How does he want to achieve this redemption? What does he think will redeem him if he accomplishes it? The setting of the goal leads to…
Action; Now that he has his goal, what action does he take to make it happen?
A girl obsessed with UFO’s builds a small device to alert us, when the device goes off during a storm she encounters a strange figure.
"A girl obsessed with UFO?s builds a small device to alert us, when the device goes off during a storm she encounters a strange figure." The first part, "A girl obsessed with UFO?s builds a small device to alert us" should be folded in, reduced to one or two words. The inciting incident is when theRead more
“A girl obsessed with UFO?s builds a small device to alert us, when the device goes off during a storm she encounters a strange figure.”
The first part, “A girl obsessed with UFO?s builds a small device to alert us” should be folded in, reduced to one or two words. The inciting incident is when the device fulfills it’s purpose: detecting a UFO.
This logline lacks an objective goal. After she finds out her device works, after the UFO arrives, what does she do? Why her? Seems to me the military or some other government organization would swoop in before she could even get a look.
But anyway, let’s say the UFO lands right in her backyard, or right in front of her, whatever. She meets this figure, not sure if it’s an alien maybe? Does the figure ask for her help? What is it she wants to do?
Anyway, re framing the logline:?After she finds a UFO with a detection device she built, a girl must….
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