1. Posted: June 16, 2017In:

    A drop-dead gorgeous mute is bartered into a harem where beauty is a death sentence and she must find her voice to survive.

    dpg Singularity

    It strains my credulity that being beautiful is a liability in a harem. ?That was the point of bartering for her, wasn't it?

    It strains my credulity that being beautiful is a liability in a harem. ?That was the point of bartering for her, wasn’t it?

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  2. Posted: June 15, 2017In:

    Fallen in love with Christ, a young Muslim girl finds out that her existence depends upon her recognition of the truth – she’s in love with a non-existent person – her seek for truth only leads her to reveal her true nature – goodness and curiosity – questions asked and answered, her seek – immortality.

    dpg Singularity

    The logline sets up the dramatic situation of a girl who falls in love with someone who turns out to be too good to be true -- he's a demon. ?That's a good story hook. But it's tricky in terms of a logline because the story hook concerns a reveal that (I assume) doesn't occur until at least midway tRead more

    The logline sets up the dramatic situation of a girl who falls in love with someone who turns out to be too good to be true — he’s a demon. ?That’s a good story hook.

    But it’s tricky in terms of a logline because the story hook concerns a reveal that (I assume) doesn’t occur until at least midway through the story. ?And the general rule is that logline only describes events in the 1st Act that set in motion a struggle for an objective goal.

    Further, a logline should never reveal how the story ends. ?A logline should set up a dramatic question– but it should never give away the answer to the dramatic question.

    So what is the dramatic question this story raises? ?When she realizes he’s a demon, what does must she do? ?What becomes her objective goal?

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  3. Posted: June 10, 2017In:

    After his son is shot in a drive-by, a gangster must use his crippled werewolf abilities to kill the vengeful vampire who has been attacking his gang.

    dpg Singularity

    Now let me clarify my position: ?I always thought that a long term plot threat would be that the vampire could "turn" the son, not that she actually does in the inciting incident. >>> this vampire can survive in sunlight, though she is weakened. Hmm. I assume you've got a backstory explanatRead more

    Now let me clarify my position: ?I always thought that a long term plot threat would be that the vampire could “turn” the son, not that she actually does in the inciting incident.

    >>> this vampire can survive in sunlight, though she is weakened.

    Hmm.

    I assume you’ve got a backstory explanation why she gets to be different. ?I understand the situation you’re trying to set up, ?to rig the contest between the two so that initially the odds are overwhelming not in his favor. ?And that’s the dramatically correct thing to do, of course. ?But my first reaction is that giving her the ability to survive being exposed to sunlight is a tad too convenient for the sake of your plot.

    >>>just stake her while sleeps

    Easier said than done if she’s smart enough to be stay very well hidden AND his?powers are crippled. ? After all doesn’t “crippled powers” entail a diminished capacity to track down prey using the sensory powers of a wolf (superior smell and sight, for example)?

    But there I go again, overthinking for a genre that requires a viewer to ?just accept on faith the conditions of the dramatic premise and enjoy the story.

    fwiw

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