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?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Detroit, the new drug capital of the world?Hmm.Putting that in the parking lot for now, ?now I'm confused. ?What's the unifying action (the plot) ?that drives the action of your story? ? I thought that it was a cop taking down a ruthless drug lord. And having his girlfriend kidnapped was a complicatRead more
Detroit, the new drug capital of the world?
Hmm.
Putting that in the parking lot for now, ?now I’m confused. ?What’s the unifying action (the plot) ?that drives the action of your story? ? I thought that it was a cop taking down a ruthless drug lord. And having his girlfriend kidnapped was a complication, that ups the stakes and tension.
?
See lessA cash strapped hit-woman, must confront the demons of her past, while juggling the bone crunching world of professional hits and the guardianship of her deceased sisters kids.
"Demons of her past" is a cliche. It's a vague trope that can mean anything and everything. ?The past problem haunting her in the present needs to be spelled out.And it must trigger a specific objective goal in the future to resolve the problem from the past. (A logline is a summary of a plot. A ploRead more
“Demons of her past” is a cliche. It’s a vague trope that can mean anything and everything. ?The past problem haunting her in the present needs to be spelled out.
And it must trigger a specific objective goal in the future to resolve the problem from the past. (A logline is a summary of a plot. A plot is a goal-oriented narrative arranged in a causal sequence of events. ?No goal, no plot. No plot, no effective logline.)
So what is her objective goal? ?What are the stakes? ?What does she stand to suffer and/or lose if she fails to achieve that goal?
See lessA young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend’s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.
Agree with Dkpough. ?Particularly on the hook. What's the hook that is intended to reel readers in, to make them want to read the script? ?Is it that she goes ?awol or his sinister plan.? I'm guessing it's the latter. ?If it is, "sinister plan" is ?vague; it doesn't provide enough bait on the hook tRead more
Agree with Dkpough. ?Particularly on the hook.
What’s the hook that is intended to reel readers in, to make them want to read the script? ?Is it that she goes ?awol or his sinister plan.? I’m guessing it’s the latter. ?If it is, “sinister plan” is ?vague; it doesn’t provide enough bait on the hook to reel readers in; ?they need something more specific, more substantial.
fwiw.
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