Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When the livestock of a small farming community comes under attack from a mysterious predator the sheriff gathers a coalition of the willing to venture into the woods to find and kill the animal. However as they trek further and further into the woods, they are killed off one by one and the sheriff, realizing one of them is the monster in disguise, must solve the mystery of who?s the killer. *This one feels messier then the previous one but how do I accentuate the details whilst still keeping it brief?
>>realizing one of them is the monster in disguise, must solve the mystery of who?s the killer. *I suggest dropping it from the logline. ?It's a spoiler something a logline should never have.What's the hook of your story? ?Well, for me it would be a hunting party whose members mysteriously getRead more
>>realizing one of them is the monster in disguise, must solve the mystery of who?s the killer. *
I suggest dropping it from the logline. ?It’s a spoiler something a logline should never have.
What’s the hook of your story? ?Well, for me it would be a hunting party whose members mysteriously get killed off one by one — in the same grotesque manner as were the livestock. ?Your previous version didn’t make that point, that ?the humans are being killed off — mutilated — just like the livestock. ?But that is part of the story, isn’t it? ?And if it isn’t, shouldn’t it be? And ?if is, shouldn’t it be featured in the logline?
fwiw
See lessIn the year 3,000 since the hell-break an ex-soldier is helping group of small weasel-like creatures to cross hostile continent in search for their homeland. Part of the payment he receives is not simply a toy like he believes in the beginning but a mysterious powerful entity.
EverStride:It's SOP for a protagonist to resist the "Call to Adventure" entailed the inciting incident, for him to be a reluctant protagonist. ?In fact, it makes for a stronger character arc if he initially rejects the call.Even so, there has to be a credible reason, an incentive, a compelling eventRead more
EverStride:
It’s SOP for a protagonist to resist the “Call to Adventure” entailed the inciting incident, for him to be a reluctant protagonist. ?In fact, it makes for a stronger character arc if he initially rejects the call.
Even so, there has to be a credible reason, an incentive, a compelling event for overcoming his reluctance and pushing him across the thresh hold and on the journey.
Recall that in ?”Star Wars: A New Hope”, Luke Skywalker rejects Obi-wan’s call to join the rebellion. ?His excuse is his uncle & aunt; they are depending upon him, he’s got to get back to his chores on the farm. ?But when they are killed by soldiers from the Empire, that excuse is removed. More than that, he’s motivated: ?family blood that’s been shed. ?Luke now has skin in the game.
Re: the setup for “Lord of the Rings”: ?Bilbo is given the ring , sent on his journey ?without ?(IMHO) acquiring any compelling skin in the game. Except his “Call” comes after a prologue that dramatizes the importance of the ring to the audience. ?So even if Bilbo initially doesn’t have skin in the game, doesn’t appreciate the full significance of the ring, ?the audience has been tipped off.
Also, ?”The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” had an advantage Lucas’s story didn’t have — and neither does yours. To wit, the saga ?had already been pre-sold, test marketed for movies, if you will, ?as a very popular book trilogy. ? The general story had a large and dedicated following eager to see the?saga made into a movie.
IMHO: I think the way George Lucas incited his protagonist’s journey is superior, a better model to consider. ? Because, to repeat, your script like Lucas’s 1st Star Wars script doesn’t have that built-in advantage of a pre-sold audience familiar with the characters and story.
One final thought: ?think franchise. ?Because that is what ?movie makers are looking for in original scifi/fantasy stories, that they ?have potential to become origin stories ?for sequels. Can you frame your story so that while it solves the immediate dramatic problem, it leaves the door ajar for sequels? Is the world in our story ?capacious enough to hold further adventures for your protagonist?
Regards and best wishes with your story
See lessIn the year 3,000 since the hell-break an ex-soldier is helping group of small weasel-like creatures to cross hostile continent in search for their homeland. Part of the payment he receives is not simply a toy like he believes in the beginning but a mysterious powerful entity.
?Is helping? constitutes a stalled-in-the-water phrase. A protagonist should be proactive. His objective goal should be framed as something he proactively and urgently struggles toward, not stroll.And in the ?logline the stakes should be implicitly obvious and the struggle urgent. In this case, whatRead more
?Is helping? constitutes a stalled-in-the-water phrase. A protagonist should be proactive. His objective goal should be framed as something he proactively and urgently struggles toward, not stroll.
And in the ?logline the stakes should be implicitly obvious and the struggle urgent. In this case, what?s to be lost ?or suffered if they don?t reach their homeland? Is it a life or death issue for everyone involved? ?IOW: What do you want the audience to worry about?
The stakes establish the significance of the struggle ?for viewers. The dramatic job of the stakes is to engage the emotions of viewers in the struggle. To make them care, to want the protagonist to succeed.
>>do I have to have a focused enemy?
Yep. The dramatic job of the antagonist is to make the audience fear the protagonist will fail. ?Easier to do with a fearsome, loathsome flesh-and-blood body than a disembodied, non-visual sentiment. ?So you need a proxy figure, a visible, specific flesh and blood antagonist, embodying the general and prejudice and hostility.
(Movies are a visual medium. When I’m writing a logline, I imagine that movie technology hasn’t advanced in 100 years, that I’m writing for a silent film. ?Dialogue cards are few and succinct. ?I have no choice; the story must be conveyed through visual elements: people, objects, locations, action. So the logline must describe only what can be visualized.)
>>>the ?entity? is just a very curious toy,
Why would a character exert all that effort, put his life at risk for ?curious toy?? He may not fully apprehend it?s potency, but there has to be something about it that he MUST have, that provides sufficient incentive for him to put his life at risk for outcasts he doesn?t even like or sympathize with.
fwiw
See less