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When an alien experiment crash lands in his backyard and gives him strange powers, a subdued teenager must use his new abilities and protect himself from malicious space hunters.
Yes, what's at stake?And how can he have acquired ?"strange new powers" but be "subdued"?The concept needs clarification.
Yes, what’s at stake?
And how can he have acquired ?”strange new powers” but be “subdued”?
The concept needs clarification.
See lessA French village and pacifist priest must work with a bloodthirsty resistance group to fight invading Nazi’s and save 5000 Jews from extermination using only their Protestant values, an amateur forger and a one-legged female spy. *True Holocaust Story*
The story is interesting, but even though it has a diverse ensemble cast, I think it would be better to frame the struggle around one central character as the protagonist. ?And to identify where the story takes place. ?So either, something like:The true story of how a pacifist [French, Polish, ItaliRead more
The story is interesting, but even though it has a diverse ensemble cast, I think it would be better to frame the struggle around one central character as the protagonist. ?And to identify where the story takes place. ?So either, something like:
The true story of how a pacifist [French, Polish, Italian or???] priest risked his life to save 5,000 Jews from the Nazi death camps by rallying the support of a violent resistance group, an amateur forger and a one-legged female spy.
Or better:
The true story of how a one-legged female spy helped to ?save 5,000 Jews from Nazi death camps.
Better because the one-legged spy ?is by far the strongest hook. ?You could but I don’t think you would have to name her nationality because more important is the fact that she was one-legged. ??And the logline is short and to the point. ?
Dare I say it fulfills the definition of a ‘ high concept’ story: 1] A unique character 2] whose objective goal can be stated in fewer than 20 words, and in the age of the internet 3] it can be stated as a tweet with characters to spare. ?A three-fer.?
And that is why the concept gets my vote.
See lessRequesting critical feedback
How can he write if he's in an "illusive locked coma"-- an illusive description of a coma? (That's what "literary gift" means, doesn't it, that he has a gift for writing? ?Or does it refer to something else?) And what does "relies on cyber eccentric fiction" mean? I don't understand what his medicalRead more
How can he write if he’s in an “illusive locked coma”– an illusive description of a coma? (That’s what “literary gift” means, doesn’t it, that he has a gift for writing? ?Or does it refer to something else?) And what does “relies on cyber eccentric fiction” mean?
I don’t understand what his medical problem is. Nor do I understand what the therapy is. ?I suggest the description of his problem and his therapy needs clarification.
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