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A troubled young man converts to Islam to please his Muslim girlfriend, gets set up by a psychopathic terrorist in a train bomb attack, he must evacuate his frantic landsmen before a ticking time-bomb kills them.
>>Act1 through 2 is about a difficult relationship between the young lovers from two opposite religions.>>...this is a love story that gone bad. The train scene is basically in the third act.Then, technically, for the purpose of a logline that is what the story is about. The purpose of aRead more
>>Act1 through 2 is about a difficult relationship between the young lovers from two opposite religions.
>>…this is a love story that gone bad. The train scene is basically in the third act.
Then, technically, for the purpose of a logline that is what the story is about. The purpose of a logline is to outline the action in the 1st 2 Acts? — but not the 3rd Act.
Act 1: An inciting incident motivates a flawed character to…
Act 2: Struggle for an objective goal against an antagonist and obstacles.
Act 3: Will he succeed or fail? (The implied question of the logline. Read the script to find out the answer.)
As our comments to your various versions of the script indicate, that is how we’ve been reading the logline.? Which is why I wondered how a few minutes of sheer panic in the train could be stretched to fill the entire 2nd Act (at least ), equivalent to an hour of screen time.
And, alas,?that is how movie producers and script readers are going to interpret the logline.? They will expect the conspiracy to blow up the train to start unfolding early in Act 2. When they find out that is not the case, that it doesn’t begin until Act 3, well…
The terrorist conspiracy seems to be the Act 3 Big Reveal, what the young man finds out he has been duped into. And the Big Reveal shouldn’t be disclosed in a logline.
I realize my remarks are pointing out the problem, not the solution. All I can suggest is to consider whether your frustration in writing a logline is a sign of a more fundamental problem: how the story itself is framed.? This can be the unpleasant — but informative — Big Reveal of the logline process: it exposes weaknesses and flaws in the structure of the script itself.? It forces us to ask, again… and again… and again ad nauseum: “What is?the story really about?”
I don’t have the answer to that question for your story.? Except that for me,?the logline suggests a story of a?callow young man who?converts to Islam for the wrong reason, for the love of? a girl rather than the love of Allah.? Unintended consequences ensue.
fwiw
See lessA troubled young man converts to Islam to please his Muslim girlfriend, gets set up by a psychopathic terrorist in a train bomb attack, he must evacuate his frantic landsmen before a ticking time-bomb kills them.
A like "naive" better than troubled. Does it turn out that the girl friend was deliberately setting him up as "love-bate" to lure him into the conspiracy? Or is it the case that the male terrorist was using the young man's infatuation for the girl friend ?to lure him (unknown to the girl) ?into theRead more
A like “naive” better than troubled.
Does it turn out that the girl friend was deliberately setting him up as “love-bate” to lure him into the conspiracy?
Or is it the case that the male terrorist was using the young man’s infatuation for the girl friend ?to lure him (unknown to the girl) ?into the conspiracy?
And what is the relationship between the male terrorist and the girl friend? ?Is he her brother?
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>>So I?m just going to write?scripts that connects to the essence of my being.Of course.? But they also need to connect to viewers.Older actors are starving for good roles -- for any roles -- so it's great that you want to write a script whose main characters are older.? But "Danny Collins" waRead more
>>So I?m just going to write?scripts that connects to the essence of my being.
Of course.? But they also need to connect to viewers.
Older actors are starving for good roles — for any roles — so it’s great that you want to write a script whose main characters are older.? But “Danny Collins” was not exactly a box-office success, and?film companies?are running businesses not charities.? The? age-old creative clash between art and commerce.? A never ending, dialectic.
Just saying.
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