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When a cynical surgeon renounces his ancestral ties with a cabalistic tradition, he becomes the target of a dark force and must battle a phantasmagorical creature unleashed by the dark force to destroy him and everything he holds dear.
Your story seems?to be?bedeviled by the nature of your genre, which presumes a world with its own set of rules that only exists (so far) in your imagination. I, for one, don't get it. Why is the creature after his family's blood? Is?it ?because of his renunciation?? I suggest I am not alone in?not bRead more
Your story seems?to be?bedeviled by the nature of your genre, which presumes a world with its own set of rules that only exists (so far) in your imagination.
I, for one, don’t get it. Why is the creature after his family’s blood? Is?it ?because of his renunciation?? I suggest I am not alone in?not be able to figure that out the causal link, what the renunciation has?to do with the creature’s threat. Because, to repeat, it’s a world we are not privy as it only exists in your imagination.
If there is no cause-and-effect between the renunciation and the creature’s thirst for the family blood supply, the renunciation is extraneous to the logline.? If there is a cause-and-effect relationship, it needs to be clarified.
fwiw
See lessWhen a cynical surgeon renounces his ancestral ties with a cabalistic tradition, he becomes the target of a dark force and must battle a phantasmagorical creature unleashed by the dark force to destroy him and everything he holds dear.
I'm guessing there is a link between his past and present,?but I don't see it.Specifically, what is the causal relationship between his renunciation of his ancestral tradition and the other elements in the logline, being mysteriously locked out, the savage creature?If?that renunciation is?back storyRead more
I’m guessing there is a link between his past and present,?but I don’t see it.
Specifically, what is the causal relationship between his renunciation of his ancestral tradition and the other elements in the logline, being mysteriously locked out, the savage creature?
If?that renunciation is?back story rather than a causal, inciting incident,, it serves no purpose in the logline and can probably?be deleted.
See lessWhen, In a decadent New york city, a mentally unstable Vietnam veteran craving for attention falls in love with a beautiful activist, he must find a way to deal with her rejection while being haunted by inner demons – Taxi Driver
My version:When a classy WASP woman rebuffs the pathetic courting of a lowly, sociopathic?taxi driver, he seeks out targets ?on the mean streets of New York to vent his frustration and rage. (32 words)The way I see it, Travis Bickle's subjective need is for relationship, specifically friendship andRead more
My version:
When a classy WASP woman rebuffs the pathetic courting of a lowly, sociopathic?taxi driver, he seeks out targets ?on the mean streets of New York to vent his frustration and rage.
(32 words)
The way I see it, Travis Bickle’s subjective need is for relationship, specifically friendship and love for and from women.? But he’s completely clueless when it comes to relating to women.
The plot plays out Bickles’ fortunes to an ironic reversal.? Given his character flaw(s), he would?seem destined? — driven — to become a serial murderer. But he ends up becoming a hero when his?awkward but earnest?attempt to rescue the child prostitute, Iris, turns his murderous tendencies?toward a target worthy of his rage, Iris’s pimp.? And that’s his character arc — he doesn’t? metamorphize out of his pathology; rather the plot conspires to deflect his pathology to a “worthy villain” and a socially?laudable ?outcome.
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