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After an outsider college clique finds that a young magic poet can write love poems that make every woman fall in love with them, they kidnap the guy, only to find out that real love has to be mutual.
I suggest the premise be re-engineered from top to bottom.It's not magic.? The poet has? a natural gift for writing poems that make women swoon.? But he is utterly tongue-tied in face-to-face encounters.He's not kidnapped.? Rather he monetizes his gift via a web service. He writes prose and poems foRead more
I suggest the premise be re-engineered from top to bottom.
It’s not magic.? The poet has? a natural gift for writing poems that make women swoon.? But he is utterly tongue-tied in face-to-face encounters.
He’s not kidnapped.? Rather he monetizes his gift via a web service. He writes prose and poems for lonely hearts on web dating sites.? It’s a lucrative gig.
And then (inciting incident) he falls hopelessly in love with one of women a client has hired him to woo.
IOW: do an updated version of the Cyrano de Bergerac story.
FWIW
See lessAfter falling for the tennis world champion, a no-name photographer gets a job at the Wimbledon tournament and pretends to be a successful newspaper owner to win her heart.
Savinh0:One other thought:? The shy-guy must compete for her attention and affection with a romantic rival who is everything he isn't.? And may be pushing for and on the verge of getting her to marry him.The end of Act 2 "darkest hour" could be her agreeing to marry the rival.? And she asks the shyRead more
Savinh0:
One other thought:? The shy-guy must compete for her attention and affection with a romantic rival who is everything he isn’t.? And may be pushing for and on the verge of getting her to marry him.
The end of Act 2 “darkest hour” could be her agreeing to marry the rival.? And she asks the shy guy photographer to shoot their wedding.
Now what will he do?? What must he do?
Whatever, I see a more interesting story with your protagonist in the role of a photographer than the other roles you have been auditioning him in other loglines.
fwiw
See lessWhen all their attempts to achieve happiness fail, even when fulfilling family expectations, a highly disciplined hetero cis woman must deconstruct and find out what she wants in all aspects of her life even if that includes rediscovering her sexuality to be happy.
A logline for a comedy should give the reader an idea as to what the comedic premise is.? Alas, I can't imagine what could be so funny about? "a highly disciplined hetero cis woman (who) must deconstruct...." yada, yada, yada.BUT:>>>That (s)he is thirty years old and never had an orgasm.I cRead more
A logline for a comedy should give the reader an idea as to what the comedic premise is.? Alas, I can’t imagine what could be so funny about? “a highly disciplined hetero cis woman (who) must deconstruct….” yada, yada, yada.
BUT:
>>>That (s)he is thirty years old and never had an orgasm.
I can immediately imagine comedy possibilities in a 30 year old woman who has never had a Big O!! moment in her life.? That’s the most interesting defining characteristic of? your character.
It’s your story hook, what? makes the character and her situation interesting.? Don’t bury that hook.? Reveal and lead with it.
Like :”A 30 year old woman who has never had an orgasm must…” well, what?
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