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  1. Posted: May 21, 2016In: Drama

    Sharp, an obsessive abolitionist, fights against the English Establishment for the ending of slavery. His legal victory ensures the release of a black slave in London, starting the abolition of slavery in the British Empire.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 21, 2016 at 2:01 am

    It is certainly a worthy subject for a film, but it needs more detail because after all these years, most people aren't familiar with the man and his mission. ?So?fully name the historical character: ?it's Granville Sharp, not just Sharp. ?And you need to indicate the time period, the 18th century.?Read more

    It is certainly a worthy subject for a film, but it needs more detail because after all these years, most people aren’t familiar with the man and his mission. ?So?fully name the historical character: ?it’s Granville Sharp, not just Sharp. ?And you need to indicate the time period, the 18th century.

    ?And ?it needs a strong emotional hook. ?I suggest refocusing the logline on his most dramatically compelling case, the horrific “Zong” atrocity, in which 132 slaves were thrown overboard to drown because the slave ship lacked the food and water to keep them alive for the middle passage. ?It doesn’t have a happy legal resolution, which is all the more reason ?contemporary audiences need to know what happened. ?Leave us in the audience outraged, lest we forget, lest we ever forget.

    ?This is a story that must be told. ?Best wishes.

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  2. Posted: May 20, 2016In: Drama

    Haunted by the tragic loss of his estranged father, a young Samoan-American must choose between his corporate job or follow in his late father?s footsteps as the last in a long line of fire-knife dancers.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 21, 2016 at 1:07 am

    Oh. ?Thanks for the clarification.I still think that the struggle after he makes his decision would make for a more interesting story than just the struggle to make the decision. ?For me, the short has the felt sense of a quickie. ?It teases, arouses and then ends without a satisfying climax to theRead more

    Oh. ?Thanks for the clarification.

    I still think that the struggle after he makes his decision would make for a more interesting story than just the struggle to make the decision. ?For me, the short has the felt sense of a quickie. ?It teases, arouses and then ends without a satisfying climax to the foreplay of the premise — dramatic interruptus. ?Just when the story gets interesting — it ends.

    FWIW. But other’s mileage may vary. ?And it’s your story.

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  3. Posted: May 20, 2016In: Action

    A civil war tears a family of gods apart causing banishment to their child who is sent to earth to learn to control her powers with the help of a young story writer who one day helps her defeat her corrupt sister.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 21, 2016 at 12:58 am

    Way too complicated; the plot line juggles too many balls for a reader to make sense of. ?I suggest reviewing logline guidelines under the "Training" option at the top of the web page to distill the logline down its essential elements.

    Way too complicated; the plot line juggles too many balls for a reader to make sense of. ?I suggest reviewing logline guidelines under the “Training” option at the top of the web page to distill the logline down its essential elements.

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