>>?When a journalist discovers a cult crucifying men in the desert, he??
>>?must ?do this? in order to ?stop that? or else ?this bad thing will happen

Richiev’s post raises an important issue. ?Is this version of the logline more of a movie blurb than an a logline? Does it tease more than inform?

Well, first of all the logline is classified as a horror flick. ?So we know to expect a story where bad, macabre things happen. ?And the logline clearly tells what the bad, macabre is happening.

There’s also definite inciting incident — the journalist discovers the cult and its ritual.

So what’s the “must do ” ?– his objective goal that arises from the inciting incident? ?Well, the ethical “must do” ?would be to notify authorities so they can stop the practice. ?That’s should be his highest priority, the correct objective goal.

But instead, the logline implies that he puts as his highest priority getting the ?story so he can collect the fame and money. ?He places his own selfish interests first. ? IOW: ?he chooses the wrong objective goal — and consequently “the bad thing will happen” — he may pay for it with his life. ?At least, that’s how I read it.

For me all the do’s and don’t’s for writing a conventional logline are guidelines, not ironclad rules. ?Heck, I don’t even treat them as rules. ?I treat them as tools. ?When they work — and most of the time they do work, they fit the story– use them. ?When they don’t, tinker, try a different tool.

The “rules”, the tools are means to and end; they exist to serve one objective goal: ?to help a writer to compose a logline make producers and directors want to read the script. ?

My 2.5 cents worth.

So even if this version of the logline doesn’t rigorously conform to the standard model, I think it achieves it’s ?objective goal.

However, I would suggest one more tweak: ?a character flaw to indicate his motivation for choosing the wrong objective goal. ?The journalist is ambitious — too ambitious. ?He’ll do anything to get the story. ?So:

When a ruthlessly ambitious journalist discovers a female cult that crucifies men, he has the story of a lifetime ? if he?can live to tell it.
(27 words)

fwiw

Much better.

However, ?I think it should it should specifically say it’s a cult of women. ?I suggest it needs to be spelled out. ?And I suggest the desert optional — important for the setting of the story, certainly — but not for the logline. ?The hook in the logline is who is doing the crucifying not where it’s being done. ?So:

When a journalist discovers a female cult that crucifies men, he has the story of a lifetime — if he?can live to tell it.
(25 words)

Go ye forth and write it! Good luck.