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Forced out on his own for the first time, a mentally-challenged man with impulse control problems must prove to himself he can overcome his limitations and achieve his dream of a “normal” life.
And why after all these years of being semi-institutionalized is he forced out on his own??? What's the specific reason? Initially,?is ?living independently his long cherished dream?? Or is it a?fate that is forced on him?? He has no choice but?to swim or sink in the outside world -- survive or die?
And why after all these years of being semi-institutionalized is he forced out on his own??? What’s the specific reason?
Initially,?is ?living independently his long cherished dream?? Or is it a?fate that is forced on him?? He has no choice but?to swim or sink in the outside world — survive or die?
See lessWhen a doctor learns he has a kill-mate, a stranger that will be triggered to kill him if they cross paths, he must plot their murder, or risk a deadly encounter.
Why not flat out that they?are mutual kill-mates?? Both are triggered to kill each other. Two men enter the plot?-- only one man leaves alive.??It's seems to me to be implied. Why not just frame the story that way?And if you really want to stir the plot, why not make one character a woman?? Make theRead more
Why not flat out that they?are mutual kill-mates?? Both are triggered to kill each other. Two men enter the plot?– only one man leaves alive.??It’s seems to me to be implied. Why not just frame the story that way?
And if you really want to stir the plot, why not make one character a woman?? Make the pair?soul-mates — and kill-mates.? They love each other to death.
fwiw
See lessA sadistic killer lures young girls into his trap when they log on a mega church’s good samaritan app. A small town deputy must face his own dark past in order to stop the killer before he strikes again.
The hook of the story is that "good Samaritan app", the element in the logline that distinguishes it from the boilerplate catch-me-if-you-can contest between a flawed cop and a devious killer. Okay, but I think the logline needs polish and focus.I'm guessing the main character is ?the deputy.? But tRead more
The hook of the story is that “good Samaritan app”, the element in the logline that distinguishes it from the boilerplate catch-me-if-you-can contest between a flawed cop and a devious killer. Okay, but I think the logline needs polish and focus.
I’m guessing the main character is ?the deputy.? But the?villain gets top billing by appearing?1st and getting almost as many words (19) before anything is said about?the deputy (20).? So who owns the story?? The deputy or the killer?
And “face his own dark” relates more to?deputy’s ?subjective need than his objective goal.?? His objective goal is to catch the killer.? And as noted, “his own darkness” ?is vague, lacks specificity.? How does it constitute a character flaw that makes it harder for the deputy to catch the killer?? Which, after all, is the primary dramatic purpose of a character flaw.
What I take “face his own darkness” to mean is that the serial killer is the incarnation of the deputy’s own repressed shadow, his own evil impulses to seduce and kill.? Protagonist and antagonist are bound together by?a secret?psychological??symmetry.?? That’s what would interest me in the story, but it’s tough to pull off.?? Best wishes.
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