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To regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.
Also, if the sorcerer is so talented, why was he banned??? Maybe he has raw talent but he did have the patience to take the time to develop it.? His arrogance?led to him overreach, going beyond what he had the training and discipline to do -- or control -- with disastrous consequences for his tribeRead more
Also, if the sorcerer is so talented, why was he banned??? Maybe he has raw talent but he did have the patience to take the time to develop it.? His arrogance?led to him overreach, going beyond what he had the training and discipline to do — or control — with disastrous consequences for his tribe or clan.
What’s his character arc??The saga of?Luke Skywalker? didn’t begin with him as a?cunning, let alone confident (certainly not arrogant) Jedi.? He was a diamond in the rough who needed cutting and polishing.? He had to learn, grow.? He need mentors.
IOW: he had to take a Hero’s Journey– that’s the mythical-dramatic template that would seem to suited to the scenario in this logline.?? (If you’re not familiar with it, google the phrase.? If you are familiar with the Hero’s Journey then I suggest your concept might benefit from a makeover with it in mind.)
fwiw
See lessA young, self-absorbed man struggles to come to grips with his flaws and regrets as evidenced by three important moments in his life – the news that his girlfriend is pregnant, the birth of his daughter, and his daughter?s high school graduation.
I presume he's looking backward over a span of 18 years.? Whatever, it needs clarification.And as CraigDGriffiths said film is a visual medium.? What's the visual on ?"struggling with thoughts"??? And "struggling with thoughts" is a?subjective problem??not an objective goal.? And loglines are aboutRead more
I presume he’s looking backward over a span of 18 years.? Whatever, it needs clarification.
And as CraigDGriffiths said film is a visual medium.? What’s the visual on ?”struggling with thoughts”??? And “struggling with thoughts” is a?subjective problem??not an objective goal.? And loglines are about objective goals.
The biggest problem with the logline is that it doesn’t have a plot that promises tension and suspense.? The?story line seems to be?a?string of pearls, memories?strung together.??But a plot is not a string of pearls.? A plot is about a protagonist who wants something?looking forward in his life, wants to do more than merely reminisce looking backwards.? Who wants something bad enough to?pit himself against an antagonist and obstacles to obtain it.
See lessTo regain his status in the high ranks of the order after a shameful ban, an arrogant, yet talented sorcerer sets off to hunt one of the most vicious rebels in the realm.
I'm concerned about the sorcerer's?motivation: it's all about him.??His motives are purely selfish.??? When a more sympathetic motive would be that he must hunt down the vicious rebel to save his people or?maybe? someone the rebel has kidnapped-- instead of merely save his pride.?? Who cares, who waRead more
I’m concerned about the sorcerer’s?motivation: it’s all about him.??His motives are purely selfish.??? When a more sympathetic motive would be that he must hunt down the vicious rebel to save his people or?maybe? someone the rebel has kidnapped– instead of merely save his pride.?? Who cares, who wants to care, about an arrogant character who is only thinking and acting for himself?
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