1. Posted: March 28, 2016In:

    After returning to New York City for a class reunion, an unsuccessful temporary worker from Germany meets his old love and friends from back then, but is facing his chronic nostalgia holding him back to tackle the goal on writing a book.

    dpg Singularity

    For the purpose of the plot,? he's really an unsuccessful writer.Type in?"writer" in the search box at the top of this web page and read?all the loglines about writers.? The too?many loglines about writers. ?Frustrated writers, blocked writers,?unrecognized writers, depressed writers, wannabe writerRead more

    For the purpose of the plot,? he’s really an unsuccessful writer.

    Type in?”writer” in the search box at the top of this web page and read?all the loglines about writers.? The too?many loglines about writers. ?Frustrated writers, blocked writers,?unrecognized writers, depressed writers, wannabe writers, failed writers.

    What makes this one stand out from the herd??? Why should the audience care about this failed?wannabe writer?? What are the stakes?? We don’t even know what he wants to write about.?? His objective goal is vague “writing a book.”?? Write a book on what??? Is it fiction or non-fiction?? What’s the topic?

    Also ?”facing chronic nostalgia holding him back” is an internal obstacle.? Which is okay, but not sufficient for film because is a visual medium and therefore requires external visual manifestations of obstacles.? And ?nostalgia strikes me as a rather weak?, uninteresting obstacle that will ?elicit little empathy from a viewing audience for his being a failed writer.

    Compare it to “My Left Food” where a wannabe writer is afflicted with cerebral palsy and can only write with his left foot. ?Now that’s an obstacle! ?That’s the basis for compelling drama! ?That’s a story that will grip an audience, win awards, score at the box-office.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: March 28, 2016In:

    Radical insurgent falls in love with an American hostage and as his ideology falters he must orchestrate her escape before his kingpin brother masterminds a major terrorist plot that implicates and kills them both.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Two suggestions.Either: When a?terrorist's faith?in a radical cause falters after falling in love with?an American hostage, he has 48 hours to free her before his mastermind brother executes a? plot that will kill them both. (36 words)Or: When a?terrorist falls in in love with?an American hostage, hRead more

    Two suggestions.

    Either:

    When a?terrorist’s faith?in a radical cause falters after falling in love with?an American hostage, he has 48 hours to free her before his mastermind brother executes a? plot that will kill them both.
    (36 words)

    Or:

    When a?terrorist falls in in love with?an American hostage, he has 48 hours to free her before his mastermind brother executes a? plot that will kill them both.
    (29 words)

    His faltering faith could certainly be part of the story (as a result of the persuasive arguments — and charms –of the America captive) but I ‘m not certain it’s necessary for the logline.? It seems to me the??core of the dramatic dilemma is embodied in the stakes character — the female hostage whose life he must save.

    Save before it’s too late:? I tossed in a ticking clock to amp up dramatic tension and urgency.? Whatever deadline you find suitable, I think the story needs to have a ticking clock.? He only has “X” amount of time — and it’s not enough– to find a away? to free her (and himself).

    Anyway, this is a movie I would like to see.? Best wishes.

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  3. Posted: March 26, 2016In:

    ?In the desolate future, when an isolated and curious teenager is suddenly forced from his collapsing underground bunker into the overgrown wilderness outside, he will have to survive long enough to make a few allies if he is to find his little sister, rumored to be alive.?

    dpg Singularity

    The teen's objective goal is to find his sister.??Okay. The need to survive is self-evident; it goes without having to say so.. ?Finding allies is a?means to that end.? Why does he need allies??? I presume to fight whoever is holding captive his sister.? Well,? who is the antagonist?? From whom , spRead more

    The teen’s objective goal is to find his sister.??Okay. The need to survive is self-evident; it goes without having to say so.. ?Finding allies is a?means to that end.?

    Why does he need allies??? I presume to fight whoever is holding captive his sister.? Well,? who is the antagonist?? From whom , specifically, must the teenager rescue his sister — before it’s too late?

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