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After his bisexual girlfriend commits suicide after being harrassed by an ex boyfriend, A man finds his purpose by supporting gay rights.
What?was his purpose before gay rights??What was his opinion of gays before the suicide?? The protagonist in the movie "The Dallas Buyers Club" was a rabid, red-neck gay-basher -- until he contracts AIDS which forces him to realize?the dignity and?humanity of the he had despised.? Similarly, I thinkRead more
What?was his purpose before gay rights??What was his opinion of gays before the suicide?? The protagonist in the movie “The Dallas Buyers Club” was a rabid, red-neck gay-basher — until he contracts AIDS which forces him to realize?the dignity and?humanity of the he had despised.? Similarly, I think it would a stronger story if?this logline?entails a 180 reversal of the man’s point of view on gays.
But that’s a subjective factor, the protagonists internal, ?subject need.? And loglines are about external objective goals.?In “The Dallas Buyers Club” the protagonist’s objective goal is to obtain a steady supply of AIDS drugs and treatments that are not sanctioned.? His character arc — coming to a compassionate respect for non-heterosexuals –?is an unintentional ?by-product of?his struggle for his?objective goal.
Also? this logline?seems to give away ?the ending that the story.? In which case there is no dramatic question, no suspense as to how the story will turn out.? A logline should lay out a dramatic problem the protagonist must solve, but it should not give away the outcome.
So then, as a result of the suicide ?what becomes the protagonist’s ?external (not internal), objective (not subjective), intentional (not unintentional) goal?? What?specific ?action must he take toward?what concrete goal?
Who/what opposes his struggle for that goal?
And what are the stakes?? That is, what does the man stand to gain if he succeeds??? And conversely, ?what does he stand to lose given the fact that he’s lost his girlfriend? forever– she’s dead?
See lessA fledgling detective pursues a serial killer who killed her mother, getting assistance from beyond the grave, but is overwhelmed by panic attacks when she gets too close.
I think the ghostly help is counterproductive for the reasons cited.??And I'll throw out another reason derived from? E.M. Forster's durable classic "Aspects of the Novel".?? What he says about writing novels? is applicable to screenwriting. The chapter on plotting is filled with nuggets of pure golRead more
I think the ghostly help is counterproductive for the reasons cited.??And I’ll throw out another reason derived from? E.M. Forster’s durable classic “Aspects of the Novel”.?? What he says about writing novels? is applicable to screenwriting. The chapter on plotting is filled with nuggets of pure gold for screenwriters.
What is a logline?? Answer:? a logline is a summary of the plot.
What is a plot? Per E.M.?Forster, a plot is a conspiracy against the protagonist.
In order to achieve his?goal, the protagonist must overcome the opposing?goal of?a host?of opponents and obstacles, that goal being to?defeat and destroy the protagonist.
In this logline, the “panics attacks” is part of the conspiracy to defeat and destroy the detective.? That’s good.? But having?the benefit of “ghostly clues” is a conspiracy to help the detective. Which is contrary to the purpose of a plot.
That’s why I think it vitiates the plot, dilutes suspense, weakens the character, and cheapens the detective’s eventual (I presume) success.
Exception:? if the serial killer also has access to ghostly or supernatural powers?(if that’s?the real cause of the ?panic attacks, for example) ?then I have no problem with ghostly help — as long as it appears that the serial killer has a winning edge, ?more potent supernatural resources? to draw upon than the detective.
?But there’s nothing in the logline that explicitly confers that?resource on the serial killer as it does for the benefit of the?detective.
fwiw.
See lessA fledgling detective pursues a serial killer who killed her mother, getting assistance from beyond the grave, but is overwhelmed by panic attacks when she gets too close.
A rookie detective pursues a serial killer only to suffer crippling panic attacks whenever she's on the verge of apprehending him. (21 words)Notes: Rookie is the usual term in police work, not fledgling."Getting assistance from beyond the grave"? --? others'? may have a different reaction,? but?thisRead more
A rookie detective pursues a serial killer only to suffer crippling panic attacks whenever she’s on the verge of apprehending him.
(21 words)
Notes:
Rookie is the usual term in police work, not fledgling.
“Getting assistance from beyond the grave”? –? others’? may have a different reaction,? but?this strikes me as a? crutch?that weakens the character and?cheapens the plot.? Why? ?Because in effect, it implies she’s not good enough?to play with the?Big Boys, to?solve the case by her own wits. ? IMHO, she should have?to solve the case the old fashioned way, earning every clue by her own effort and intelligence — no supernatural cheat sheets.
“who killed her mother” –? I suggest it not be the original motivation, the inciting incident, but rather a mid-story catastrophe/setback, her Dark Hour of the Soul moment.? From which she must rally, double down on the risks she is taking, overcome the panic attacks and?(finally) get her man.
fwiw.
See less