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Suffering from hallucinations and sleep paralysis, an American exchange student studying abroad in Tokyo discovers that he has become host to a fox spirit responsible for a series of attacks that vary from mischief to malice.
The logline sets up a situation, but portrays the main character as a passive victim --"he has become host to a fox spirit".? After the exchange student realizes he's?become a host, what does he do about it?? What must he do?? What?becomes his objective goal?
The logline sets up a situation, but portrays the main character as a passive victim –“he has become host to a fox spirit”.?
After the exchange student realizes he’s?become a host, what does he do about it?? What must he do?? What?becomes his objective goal?
See lessWhen a disillusioned Hollywood actor takes a break in a small Australian town, he falls for a local girl who makes him question his life and the people in it. But when his dream role is offered he finds himself being manipulated back into his old life.
Once again, your logline neatly breaks down into 3 logical?phases: Setup:? a protagonist with a character flaw When a disillusioned Hollywood actor takes a break in a small Australian town... Inciting Incident and??Resulting Conflict: ...he falls for a local girl who makes him question his life andRead more
Once again, your logline neatly breaks down into 3 logical?phases:
Setup😕 a protagonist with a character flaw
When a disillusioned Hollywood actor takes a break in a small Australian town…
Inciting Incident and??Resulting Conflict:
…he falls for a local girl who makes him question his life and the people in it.
Mid-point pivot & 3rd Act Crisis:
But when his dream role is offered he finds himself being manipulated into his old life.
However, I still wonder if there is?sufficient?conflict in the??romantic relationship to engage an audience’s interest, make them root for the couple.? What, exactly, is there about the “local girl” that could make him question his own life?? And what is there about the “local girl” that would simultaneously attract him to her as well as create obstacles that might? doom their relationship?
Is it possible that the love interest could not just be a “local girl”, but an Aboriginal girl?? One deeply rooted in and committed to the land and her tribal culture.? I have not (yet) ventured south of the equator to the Great Down Under, but??I grew up in the American West so I am acutely aware of the plight and concerns? of? the U.S.’s own aboriginals,?the ?Native American tribes.? Hence,? the dramatic possibilities .? For example, it would enable a strong, amusing?”meet cute” scene to set the stage for romance that will blossom.
Backing up a bit, “taking a break” seems to me to be a weak motivation for?an?Hollywood actor to?take refuge?nearly half a world away from Hollywood in ?rural Australia. More than “taking a break” it seems to me the motivation for getting so?far from Tinsel Town needs to be more compelling.? Like, he’s on the run from scandal,? or drug abuse,? or a string of failed?movies that have made him box-office poison, or maybe from the law itself — or all the above.?? His career and?personal life are in ruins.
Consequently, this would raise the dramatic tension and ?stakes when? he’s given a dream role.?? Why?? Because,? he know it’s a sure-fire winner,? an Oscar role that will enable to redeem his career, get back in the game–get revenge on his critics. (Success being the sweetest revenge there is.)
Finally,? I suggest that there would be more dramatic tension if the? source of the 3rd Act threat is not external, others manipulating him, but rather internal: he’s sorely tempted by his dreams, his lust, for fame and fortune — symptoms of the character flaw that? got him in so much trouble in the first place.
fwiw
See lessA young writer is unknowingly helped to her breaking point to produce a master piece.
As CraigDGriffiths said.The logline presents the main character as a passive agent being acted upon --- "is unknowingly helped"-- rather than the active agent of her own story, proactively pursuing her own objective goal -- whatever that is. ("Produce a master piece "is vague.? A master piece what??Read more
As CraigDGriffiths said.
The logline presents the main character as a passive agent being acted upon — “is unknowingly helped”– rather than the active agent of her own story, proactively pursuing her own objective goal — whatever that is. (“Produce a master piece “is vague.? A master piece what?? A novel?? A short story?? A play?)
And what are the stakes?? Why should an audience care whether she writes a “masterpiece” or not?? Or write at all for that matter?
Finally, the logline only evokes scenes of a writer writing, writing, writing.? Scenes of a writer writing get b-o-r-i-n-g fast.?? The movie “Becoming Jane” has short scenes of? Jane Austen?writing?, but the plot is in the?long scenes?where she is continually being?distracted, criticized, ?discouraged by almost everyone else around her.? She must overcome these negative forces in her life to write her? masterpieces. (And Jane Austen wasn’t trying? to consciously? write masterpieces.? She was trying to tell? good stories.? “Masterpiece” is history’s judgment of her objective goal .)
See less