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It’s all fun and games at the cemetery for a twenty something gravedigger clinging to his youth, until his ex-girlfriend’s father plots revenge for disrespecting his “little girl.”
The logline sets up a ?'grave' situation -- but, alas, not a plot. ?And the 'rave' threat is rather vague. ?What does the father intend to do? Kill the young man? ?If so, the plot should say so. A plot is not about a situation, but about what the main character must do about the situation. ?So, as aRead more
The logline sets up a ?’grave’ situation — but, alas, not a plot. ?And the ‘rave’ threat is rather vague. ?What does the father intend to do? Kill the young man? ?If so, the plot should say so.
A plot is not about a situation, but about what the main character must do about the situation. ?So, as a result of his ex’s father’s threat, what is the gravedigger going to do — what MUST he do? ?What are the stakes? (His life, his occupation, or…?)
See lessAn unknown, white, Republican candidate runs for office in a poor, Democratic, black neighborhood, setting up his headquarters in a Baptist church where the congregation is hesitant to support him.
"runs for office"What??office?? Mayor, city council, district delegate to the state legislature?? The logline should be specific on that point.But the major concern I have is the central conceit of the story:??why?would a poor?Black congregation (who historically tend to vote for? Democrats) allow aRead more
“runs for office”
What??office?? Mayor, city council, district delegate to the state legislature?? The logline should be specific on that point.
But the major concern I have is the central conceit of the story:??why?would a poor?Black congregation (who historically tend to vote for? Democrats) allow a White, Republican nobody?to set up? his campaign HQ in their church?? He can’t just move in — they have to give their consent.? Why would they?agree to such an arrangement?? What’s in it for them?
Even allowing that the genre is comedy, the central conceit at least has to seem credible., and I, for one,?am unable to discern what that could be.? Maybe, I just lack a sense of humor.? In any case, I don’t get the reason that?this congregation would allow this character?to set up a political whorehouse in their sacred house of worship?
See lessA animal activist discovers human experiments not animal during a raid. She must survive murderous security to rescue a test subject and tell the world the truth.
What if she breaks in to liberate animals, is captured, becomes herself a human guinea pig?? Now the issue and the stakes are more personal.
What if she breaks in to liberate animals, is captured, becomes herself a human guinea pig?? Now the issue and the stakes are more personal.
See less