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O assassino dos meus sonhos
[Como eu s? sou proficiente em ingl?s, n?o em portugu?s. Ent?o, eu li e estou respondendo ? sua linha de log por meio do tradutor do Google.] Primeiro de tudo, acho que voc? tem uma premissa muito interessante. Poderia ser a base para um filme convincente e profundo. Com base em como eu li sua linhaRead more
[Como eu s? sou proficiente em ingl?s, n?o em portugu?s. Ent?o, eu li e estou respondendo ? sua linha de log por meio do tradutor do Google.]
Primeiro de tudo, acho que voc? tem uma premissa muito interessante. Poderia ser a base para um filme convincente e profundo. Com base em como eu li sua linha de log (em ingl?s), eis como eu posso escrever isso:
Depois de testemunhar o suic?dio de um assassino em s?rie, um jovem policial come?a a ter sonhos que revelam onde os corpos est?o enterrados. Agora ele deve …
… fazer o que? Qual ? o objetivo dele como resultado de ser afligido por esses sonhos?
Se voc? incluir uma resposta para essa pergunta (no menor n?mero poss?vel de palavras), acho que voc? ter? uma linha de log e um gr?fico vencedores.
Espero que isso fa?a sentido e ajude. Muitas felicidades para este script.
See lessWhen he finds a cowardly family-man accidentally locked in their 9-way assassin?s battle royale to win a contract paying enough to retire with, a moral veteran must keep him alive whilst eliminating the competition.
"Battle Royale"? I get. In both "Battle Royale" and "the Hunger Games" the players have no choice:? they MUST play or perish sooner rather than later.? It's not clearly stated in this logline that? players cannot opt out. Which I presume is the case.? Or is it?
“Battle Royale”? I get.
In both “Battle Royale” and “the Hunger Games” the players have no choice:? they MUST play or perish sooner rather than later.? It’s not clearly stated in this logline that? players cannot opt out. Which I presume is the case.? Or is it?
See lessWhen his wife leaves him and his world falls apart, a depressed control-freak attempts to tie up all the loose ends in his life and with those he cares about as he plans his own suicide
Frankly, I have mixed and messy emotions about the premise.? (I've worked on a suicide hotline.) That said,? more power to you if you can play it for laughs.? However, I think a reader needs a clear signal that it's a dark comedy.?? I suggest "his world falls apart" needs to be fleshed out a bit.? MRead more
Frankly, I have mixed and messy emotions about the premise.? (I’ve worked on a suicide hotline.)
That said,? more power to you if you can play it for laughs.? However, I think a reader needs a clear signal that it’s a dark comedy.?? I suggest “his world falls apart” needs to be fleshed out a bit.? Maybe something like:? “When a control freak loses his wife, job, and home and his pet potbelly pig in one week, he…”
Or maybe he loses everything but his pet potbelly pig (that could have been the coup de gras wedge issue between him and his ex) and his objective goal is to find a good for the pet it before he commits suicide.? (And, of course, nobody want the pet.)
Whatever. Good luck.
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