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  1. Posted: September 24, 2014In: Public

    When the fantasy universe he wakes up in turns out to be an hallucination while he’s in a coma, a detached schoolboy must defeat the world’s evil king to regain consciousness; or pass on to the afterlife if he fails.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 25, 2014 at 6:09 am

    In the dreamworld of a coma, a cowardly boy in real life must rescue a damsel in distress from an evil king in order to regain consciousness. Or: When he falls into a coma, a cowardly boy must rescue the girl of his dreams in real life from an evil king in order to regain consciousness. Whatever, thRead more

    In the dreamworld of a coma, a cowardly boy in real life must rescue a damsel in distress from an evil king in order to regain consciousness.

    Or:
    When he falls into a coma, a cowardly boy must rescue the girl of his dreams in real life from an evil king in order to regain consciousness.

    Whatever, there’s gotta be a damsel in distress, a stake character.

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  2. Posted: September 7, 2014In: Public

    When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 23, 2014 at 7:50 am

    And furtherless, the latest version of the logline has two major plot triggers. (Some might even say 2 inciting incidents.) 1] The blackmail that triggers the attempt to fake her death. 2] The love affair that triggers her to reverse course and fight back. Of course, a good script would have plentyRead more

    And furtherless, the latest version of the logline has two major plot triggers. (Some might even say 2 inciting incidents.) 1] The blackmail that triggers the attempt to fake her death. 2] The love affair that triggers her to reverse course and fight back.

    Of course, a good script would have plenty of reversals, twists and turns in the story line. But a logline usually only includes one major trigger: the original inciting incident. The trigger of the love story doesn’t seem to complicate her situation so much as offer the solution to her predicament. Indeed, it seems to raise an entirely new dramatic question than the one that follows from the first trigger.

    [I apologize for not offering something constructive. It’s just that the premise invokes a different story line and characterization in my mind. I’m having a hard time synching up with where you seem to want to go with the story and character. But it’s your story and character.]

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  3. Posted: September 7, 2014In: Public

    When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 23, 2014 at 7:50 am

    And furtherless, the latest version of the logline has two major plot triggers. (Some might even say 2 inciting incidents.) 1] The blackmail that triggers the attempt to fake her death. 2] The love affair that triggers her to reverse course and fight back. Of course, a good script would have plentyRead more

    And furtherless, the latest version of the logline has two major plot triggers. (Some might even say 2 inciting incidents.) 1] The blackmail that triggers the attempt to fake her death. 2] The love affair that triggers her to reverse course and fight back.

    Of course, a good script would have plenty of reversals, twists and turns in the story line. But a logline usually only includes one major trigger: the original inciting incident. The trigger of the love story doesn’t seem to complicate her situation so much as offer the solution to her predicament. Indeed, it seems to raise an entirely new dramatic question than the one that follows from the first trigger.

    [I apologize for not offering something constructive. It’s just that the premise invokes a different story line and characterization in my mind. I’m having a hard time synching up with where you seem to want to go with the story and character. But it’s your story and character.]

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