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  1. Posted: September 7, 2014In: Public

    When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 23, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Hmm. That seems to be a different story than the impression I got from earlier versions of the logline. For one thing, the latest version seems to clutters up the concept with 2 villains, the loan shark and the board member. Also, if her flaw is pride and the remedy is humility, then doesn't the remRead more

    Hmm. That seems to be a different story than the impression I got from earlier versions of the logline. For one thing, the latest version seems to clutters up the concept with 2 villains, the loan shark and the board member.

    Also, if her flaw is pride and the remedy is humility, then doesn’t the remedy entail confession, disclosure of her offense? In the dramatic sense of nemesis, isn’t the threat of blackmail exactly what she has coming to her?

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  2. Posted: September 7, 2014In: Public

    When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 23, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Hmm. That seems to be a different story than the impression I got from earlier versions of the logline. For one thing, the latest version seems to clutters up the concept with 2 villains, the loan shark and the board member. Also, if her flaw is pride and the remedy is humility, then doesn't the remRead more

    Hmm. That seems to be a different story than the impression I got from earlier versions of the logline. For one thing, the latest version seems to clutters up the concept with 2 villains, the loan shark and the board member.

    Also, if her flaw is pride and the remedy is humility, then doesn’t the remedy entail confession, disclosure of her offense? In the dramatic sense of nemesis, isn’t the threat of blackmail exactly what she has coming to her?

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  3. Posted: September 21, 2014In: Public

    An angelic warrior, tasked with eliminating his kind from the earth, must choose love or duty when he fights against a legion of renegades led by the undisclosed mother of his beloved son.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 22, 2014 at 4:35 am

    What Nir said. And it's news to me that angels are sexual. Hasn't the traditional representation been that they are created beings, not procreating beings? If your angels are in the business of begetting, I suggest you may need to include an exposition beat clarifying that point somewhere in the setRead more

    What Nir said.

    And it’s news to me that angels are sexual. Hasn’t the traditional representation been that they are created beings, not procreating beings? If your angels are in the business of begetting, I suggest you may need to include an exposition beat clarifying that point somewhere in the setup of your story.

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