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When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.
Nir, Let me put it this way. Initially, I responded to your concept from the outside, the external predicament of the MC created by the loan shark. Then I got to thinking about the premise from the inside, the mind of the character as revealed by her response to the loan shark's threat. Her initialRead more
Nir,
Let me put it this way. Initially, I responded to your concept from the outside, the external predicament of the MC created by the loan shark. Then I got to thinking about the premise from the inside, the mind of the character as revealed by her response to the loan shark’s threat. Her initial response is to stage her own suicide in a way that will look like murder so her family can collect the life insurance. And to deceive the loan shark.
Which takes considerable time, effort and expense. Expense raises a side bar plot question: she doesn’t have enough to pay back the loan shark, but she does have enough to hire a professional killer? If he’s any good at his job, he wouldn’t come cheap now would he? Hmm.
Anyway, the situation undergoes a classic peripety , a reversal. When the two fall in love (or does he fall in love with her and she manipulates him?), she goes from wanting to die, to wanting to live. In addition, her role reverses from being the victim of the persecutor (the loan shark) to the persecutor of the loan shark, intent on making him her victim.
It seems to me that her peripety in roles must needs be motivated by a commensurate reversal in motivation and intent. She ought to swing from feeling she must kill herself to feeling she must kill the loan shark. Rather than punishing herself with death, she’s going punish him with death. IOW: revenge.
Why? Because the desire for revenge is a normal reaction to being victimized and MUST be part of her motivation. She can’t be doing some half-measure, to kill his business but not his life, only out of the goodness of her heart, to rescue others from being victimized by the loan shark. Acting out of altruism with no taint of the desire for revenge is not a believable human response. And it’s not a sufficient dramatic response, imho.
Whatever the motivation for her actions are, first and foremost it must be personal. Altruism isn’t personal. Revenge is.
Also, the external situation demands more than a half-measure. It seems to me that killing the loan shark doesn’t really solve the blackmail threat. Even after she’s “dead”, the loan shark can shame her memory by revealing to her family the debt she incurred. And since she would still be alive, she’d have to live with that.
So when I analyze it from the inside, it seems to me, her objective goal ought to be to kill the loan shark. (Or cleverly arrange for some 3rd party to do the dirty work.) It’s the only way to solve the problems created by her resorting to a loan shark. It’s the only way she can be sure of getting out in every possible way from the terms of the debt (monetary and emotional) she has incurred.
But then I tend to over-think scenarios (Number #5 on my list of character flaws). Anyway, fwiw.
See lessWhen an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.
Nir, Let me put it this way. Initially, I responded to your concept from the outside, the external predicament of the MC created by the loan shark. Then I got to thinking about the premise from the inside, the mind of the character as revealed by her response to the loan shark's threat. Her initialRead more
Nir,
Let me put it this way. Initially, I responded to your concept from the outside, the external predicament of the MC created by the loan shark. Then I got to thinking about the premise from the inside, the mind of the character as revealed by her response to the loan shark’s threat. Her initial response is to stage her own suicide in a way that will look like murder so her family can collect the life insurance. And to deceive the loan shark.
Which takes considerable time, effort and expense. Expense raises a side bar plot question: she doesn’t have enough to pay back the loan shark, but she does have enough to hire a professional killer? If he’s any good at his job, he wouldn’t come cheap now would he? Hmm.
Anyway, the situation undergoes a classic peripety , a reversal. When the two fall in love (or does he fall in love with her and she manipulates him?), she goes from wanting to die, to wanting to live. In addition, her role reverses from being the victim of the persecutor (the loan shark) to the persecutor of the loan shark, intent on making him her victim.
It seems to me that her peripety in roles must needs be motivated by a commensurate reversal in motivation and intent. She ought to swing from feeling she must kill herself to feeling she must kill the loan shark. Rather than punishing herself with death, she’s going punish him with death. IOW: revenge.
Why? Because the desire for revenge is a normal reaction to being victimized and MUST be part of her motivation. She can’t be doing some half-measure, to kill his business but not his life, only out of the goodness of her heart, to rescue others from being victimized by the loan shark. Acting out of altruism with no taint of the desire for revenge is not a believable human response. And it’s not a sufficient dramatic response, imho.
Whatever the motivation for her actions are, first and foremost it must be personal. Altruism isn’t personal. Revenge is.
Also, the external situation demands more than a half-measure. It seems to me that killing the loan shark doesn’t really solve the blackmail threat. Even after she’s “dead”, the loan shark can shame her memory by revealing to her family the debt she incurred. And since she would still be alive, she’d have to live with that.
So when I analyze it from the inside, it seems to me, her objective goal ought to be to kill the loan shark. (Or cleverly arrange for some 3rd party to do the dirty work.) It’s the only way to solve the problems created by her resorting to a loan shark. It’s the only way she can be sure of getting out in every possible way from the terms of the debt (monetary and emotional) she has incurred.
But then I tend to over-think scenarios (Number #5 on my list of character flaws). Anyway, fwiw.
See lessWhen an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.
Okay, but how do they plan to "eliminate further damages"? What's the visual on that? What are the ultimate stakes for both sides if not their very lives? Your story is like a high stakes poker game; what's the last stack of chips that pushed into the pot by all the players?
Okay, but how do they plan to “eliminate further damages”? What’s the visual on that?
What are the ultimate stakes for both sides if not their very lives? Your story is like a high stakes poker game; what’s the last stack of chips that pushed into the pot by all the players?
See less