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  1. Posted: August 9, 2014In: Public

    When an unorthodox AFP detective, with a confrontational personality, uncovers an operation of a Mexican drug cartel in Australia. He must now stop a one ton inbound shipment of heroin with the help of an uptight FBI agent after the same gang.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 13, 2014 at 1:15 am

    The re-write provides a better motivation for the Mexican and the FBI agent to be in Australia. The hook for me in the concept would be the Mexican hombre hiding out in Australia. That's different -- but not implausible. How about something like: An unorthodox AFP detective must collaborate with anRead more

    The re-write provides a better motivation for the Mexican and the FBI agent to be in Australia. The hook for me in the concept would be the Mexican hombre hiding out in Australia. That’s different — but not implausible.

    How about something like:

    An unorthodox AFP detective must collaborate with an abrasive FBI agent to catch the notorious head of the most violent Mexican cartel who is hiding out in Australia.

    (Maybe use other adjectives to describe them — but, ideally, only 1 adjective per character.)

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  2. Posted: August 11, 2014In: Public

    When terrorists kidnap his family, a self-centered pilot is blackmailed into hijacking a plane. But when the flight is delayed and the FBI nab him, he cuts a deal to save the lives of everyone on board by sabotaging the hijacking – at the cost of his family's lives.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 12, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Yeah, kind of convoluted. And who is the antagonist, the master mind, the alpha terrorist of the whole collective terrorist conspiracy? You've seemed to have trapped the pilot squarely between the horns of an authentic dilemma, between two 2 sets of stakeholders in the outcome of the his choices, thRead more

    Yeah, kind of convoluted. And who is the antagonist, the master mind, the alpha terrorist of the whole collective terrorist conspiracy?

    You’ve seemed to have trapped the pilot squarely between the horns of an authentic dilemma, between two 2 sets of stakeholders in the outcome of the his choices, the family and the passengers, between 2 equally undesirable outcomes. Dilemma in drama is always a good thing, and it’s the aspect of the story that most intrigues me.

    You mentioned 2 options: save the passengers (and himself) or save his family (and himself). What about a third option: he saves both the passengers and family — by sacrificing himself? He wants to save both groups of stakeholders and himself (objective goal) — but he finally realizes that he can only save 2 out of 3. He must rise above his character flaw (subjective need) and sacrifice himself for the others.

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  3. Posted: August 11, 2014In: Public

    When terrorists kidnap his family, a self-centered pilot is blackmailed into hijacking a plane. But when the flight is delayed and the FBI nab him, he cuts a deal to save the lives of everyone on board by sabotaging the hijacking – at the cost of his family's lives.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 12, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Yeah, kind of convoluted. And who is the antagonist, the master mind, the alpha terrorist of the whole collective terrorist conspiracy? You've seemed to have trapped the pilot squarely between the horns of an authentic dilemma, between two 2 sets of stakeholders in the outcome of the his choices, thRead more

    Yeah, kind of convoluted. And who is the antagonist, the master mind, the alpha terrorist of the whole collective terrorist conspiracy?

    You’ve seemed to have trapped the pilot squarely between the horns of an authentic dilemma, between two 2 sets of stakeholders in the outcome of the his choices, the family and the passengers, between 2 equally undesirable outcomes. Dilemma in drama is always a good thing, and it’s the aspect of the story that most intrigues me.

    You mentioned 2 options: save the passengers (and himself) or save his family (and himself). What about a third option: he saves both the passengers and family — by sacrificing himself? He wants to save both groups of stakeholders and himself (objective goal) — but he finally realizes that he can only save 2 out of 3. He must rise above his character flaw (subjective need) and sacrifice himself for the others.

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