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  1. Posted: August 9, 2014In: Public

    When an unorthodox AFP detective, with a confrontational personality, uncovers an operation of a Mexican drug cartel in Australia. He must now stop a one ton inbound shipment of heroin with the help of an uptight FBI agent after the same gang.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 12, 2014 at 1:29 am

    >>> In my mind it was a small leap from one drug. Except it isn't. The Mexican cartels might traffic in cocaine to Australia [although I suspect the Colombian's might do it directly themselves] because cocaine is grown in South America. So it's a 'local' product. But your logline says heroin which iRead more

    >>> In my mind it was a small leap from one drug.

    Except it isn’t. The Mexican cartels might traffic in cocaine to Australia [although I suspect the Colombian’s might do it directly themselves] because cocaine is grown in South America. So it’s a ‘local’ product. But your logline says heroin which is not ‘local’; the Mexicans have to import it from the Middle East like everyone else. And the shorter-cheaper-faster-less hazardous route to traffic heroin to Australia is via Southeast Asia.

    >>> the DEA deals with drugs in the US not outside.

    Ditto with the FBI. US law enforcement agencies do collaborate with other countries in terms of exchanging information, but the job of US law enforcement agencies is to worry about trafficing into the US – not into Australia.

    On the other hand, if your FBI guy is a rogue agent, if he has gone off the reservation for some personal reason, a personal vendetta, if he his acting outside the bounds of his authorized jurisdiction — okay. But then, that makes him a more interesting character than the Australian home boy.

    Quibbling aside, a logline should boil down to 30 words or less. The necessary characters to include are the protagonist and the antagonist. Who the protagonist gets as an ally may be central to the story, but it is a not usually a necessary detail in a logline

    A necessary detail in a logline is the antagonist. Which is missing here. The logline identifies a “drug gang”, an antagonist group — but not an antagonist individual, the mastermind, the leader who serves as the “face” of the gang for the purposes of the audience.

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  2. Posted: August 11, 2014In: Public

    When terrorists kidnap his family, a self-centered pilot is blackmailed into hijacking a plane. But when the flight is delayed and the FBI nab him, he cuts a deal to save the lives of everyone on board by sabotaging the hijacking – at the cost of his family's lives.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 11, 2014 at 11:28 pm

    I'm confused. How can he sabotage the hijacking if the FBI has already "nabbed" him so he can't carry out the hijacking? Also, he succumbs to his character flaw rather than rises above it. Hmmm.

    I’m confused. How can he sabotage the hijacking if the FBI has already “nabbed” him so he can’t carry out the hijacking?

    Also, he succumbs to his character flaw rather than rises above it. Hmmm.

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  3. Posted: August 11, 2014In: Public

    When terrorists kidnap his family, a self-centered pilot is blackmailed into hijacking a plane. But when the flight is delayed and the FBI nab him, he cuts a deal to save the lives of everyone on board by sabotaging the hijacking – at the cost of his family's lives.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 11, 2014 at 11:28 pm

    I'm confused. How can he sabotage the hijacking if the FBI has already "nabbed" him so he can't carry out the hijacking? Also, he succumbs to his character flaw rather than rises above it. Hmmm.

    I’m confused. How can he sabotage the hijacking if the FBI has already “nabbed” him so he can’t carry out the hijacking?

    Also, he succumbs to his character flaw rather than rises above it. Hmmm.

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